at times like this. i really need mids around. more than ever. but he has better things to do. work called for him just now (please note that today is a sunday, and we were getting ready to go to watch a movie). but then again, who am i to groan? at least, mids has a great job. one with great bosses, great colleagues and a great atmosphere. me? i have a great headache. one that involves a GREAT boss. equal? i thought so too.
i missed our working saturday yesterday. and intentionally off course. never in my life have i hated to be somewhere or do something so much as i did yesterday. never in my life have i had to lie so many times and so deeply before. can u just understand the hatred and fear i have? i love going to work. i love holding my babies (files/matters) everyday and work on them and ensure that they are well taken care of. but everytime my phone rings, i have this big fear running along my spine. instantly, my mind stops with fear and i end up picking the phone late as i try very hard to think of any mistakes that i could or did wrong. can u imagine living everyday like that?
please dont get me wrong. i love my job. i can sleep at the office if i was asked to. my passion is to work. but him. yes, aji off course. he constantly puts me down. every day if he could.
last friday, he pulled me into the ground. so deep that i fainted in my room.
"... why are you so stupid... why cant you just listen?..."
and not forgetting the one which made me speechless..
"... i want to just sack (fire) you right now, but i cant as you have to be 6 months in.."
so now do you all understand my further dilemma? please help me friends. i really cant make this alone. what am i to do? did i do something wrong in the past that god gave me him? did i?
6 RANTS:
just leave the firm babe. seriously. there are so many other good firms out there. he treats you like you're an animal, why make yourself a subject for him to treat you this way?
za,
after almost 5 months, its finally sinking in. sadly, im still searching for a reason to stay. sad rite? as sad as i am for what he does to me, im more guilty for leaving him with so many files..
but im contemplating leaving so so much..
thanks babe, hope to see u soon..
yeah, but surely if you were to turn the table around he will NOT do this for you, no?
if you're unhappy about something, you're supposed to find happiness at the other end. why are you wasting time now? :)
guilt leads to nowhere if you don't find the measures to stop that feeling. hee.
pn hendon told me during my long call that her master made her felt stupid all the time, but i guess ur boss' remarks are not even in the same league. it is ok to make u feel stupid but have a little respect for u at the same time, i mean he didn't start off as a great lawyer kan?
kalau u leave the firm will u be happy? sume tempat ade its own challenges and hurdles. i asked myself that same question too. i finally had the guts to quit when i think my firm crossed the line between right and wrong. i wish u could find ur answer to ur dilemma. all the best
why senior lawyers have to be mean?i got remarks along the same line as yours.it is hurtful. i guess we are on the same boat. cried my eyes out.
i would like to share this excerpt from a book that i read:
"how can u really know the joy of being on the summit of a mountain unless you have first visited the lowest valley" :)hope u and i can weather this storm.
Hani
hani,
as sad and as hard as it is. slowly and steadily my heart is beginning to step up.
yes. sadly, they do do that. and no one can be certain why. but whatever it is, i vow that i will never do such when i reach a position higher than that of which i am now.
all left to do is pray.
and i wish u the best too. thanks.
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