ILLUMINATE THE SKIES

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

2011-09-05T23:42:00.001+08:00

from this small family..

26 + 6

2011-08-28T23:05:00.002+08:00

alhamdulillah, on the 27th August 2011, i turned 26 years old and HRH turned 6 months young..

i cant believe time flew by that fast. and i cant believe ive achieved so much in that 26 years. among which off course was giving birth to HRH, the little miracle i never thought id fall so much in love with..

so, all in all, there was two cakes and both HRH cut with me. i received plenty of wishes and love from everyone around me, esp both my little and big man :)

and this is how we celebrated his 6months.. carrot puree. which amazingly he hated. just like papa, he hates veggies. but he seems to be ok with apple and pear puree. see how he lunges for the spoon? he knows that when he is put in the bumbo seat, its time to eat.

apart from that, as per milestones, he is doing fine. what paeds are calling textbook baby. meaning that he is learning things at the rate he is supposed to, not less not more. he has stopped salivating too, which we expect a little tooth to come soon, probly by 8th/9th month. gotta prepare for that.

alhamdulillah, even if he is not the weight that he is supposed to be, but i believe its because he is such an easy baby. i guess he will be fat is he cried a lot. but he just loves to laugh and is now a little stalker in his walker. if you put babytv on, he will walk in front of the tv, and watch it with his mouth open. and jump to.

i can guess that he will start walking soon.

as for now, he is on Anmum stage 2. mixed with mummys milk on certain occassions.

till then.

244: 5mths

2011-07-31T23:09:00.004+08:00

while im typing this, hrh is sleeping in his cot. like most nights.

life so far is hectic. as it is the middle of the financial year, i am busy as hell. yelah, if i play around at this time of the year, three things will be affected; one, your dividend. two, my raya bonus and yearly bonus (which was 5 last year btw). and three, my increment. so, there.

my daily schedule goes like this. wake up at 5:45am pray,shower etc. leave for the ktm at around 6:15 am kisses to hrh and his daddy. if im lucky, i get to arrive home before 7pm. play with hrh briefly until 9pm. feed him and he goes to sleep until 6am tomorrow.

there are days that i really feel he is mad or upset with me for going to work and coming home so late. he would wriggle when i carry him and pull away when i try to bf him. it makes me sad that already at this age, he knows that i leave him. luckily, his daddy is not far. and i know that if there is any emergency, he will be there.

adjusting to the life of a mother is hard. however, im not deterred to have another child. seriously. i was raised in a family of three siblings, and sometimes i just wish that i could have more company to play or depend on. thats how i am who i am now. i love my privacy and im keen to socialise, but as im part of a three sibling, im not that good at it. so i vow to give hrh siblings.

i know that for some women, they are scarred after giving birth and wish to not raise the issue atleast until they get their body and/or desire back. but i cant wait to feel that bump again. i guess its because (alhamdulillah) i had a great pregnancy. no morning sickness, no pain. even the delivery without medication went quick and smooth. and hrh is such an understanding and easy to handle child (apart from when he is hungry or sleepy). so yeh, why not?

but i do wish to shower him with so much love first.

meantime, as of today, hrh is slobbering a lot - people say its teething (so soon though), rolling over, walking forward to you in his walker.

243 : BUSY MOMMA

2011-05-22T22:13:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah, HRH is going to be 3months next week. and he is getting rounder and fuller. just like papa. nice. since he was small and underweight for the previous months of his life, the doctors, and all of us were worried about him. but now he is just one blob. bliss.

working mother:

i had wanted to blog for soo long, but ive just been buried under work, work, work and HRH. but HRH i dont mind. work is hectic and i find it so stressful. esp when i have so much to do and my breasts hurt like crazy, thats when i miss HRH like mad.

the last two days i was in Singapore for a JV meeting. i had to leave HRH behind for two days, and it was hard for me. my mind would wonder off thinking about what he is doing, and when my breasts hurt, i miss him more.

the first week at work i had a really hard time. between pumping and getting deadlines met, it was a constant race. everyday i missed lunch. so, at work i had to take 30min breaks to pump every 3-4 hours. (milk production is really low).

everyday i wish im at home snuggling, cuddling and kissing him. but everyday also i think of how unselfish i am if i work. some people were telling me to stay at home and just take care of HRH, but i tell them that im not that selfish to leave the burden of feeding my family all to my husband. its just not me. it may be though to leave cute-little-chubby-cheeks at home, but i know he will appreciate my sacrifice someday. :)

milk:

the first few weeks of HRHs life, my body refused to acknowledge milk. only after a while HRH got whats enough to sleep on, but up until now (as his appetite is increasing) milk is not enough. so, i have to pump at work and feed him via bottle. i really want to make sure he gets my body milk for health purposes, even if he gets formula too mostly.

pictures:

ONE MONTH

2011-03-27T15:37:00.005+08:00

alhamdulillah...

it has now been one month exactly that my little H has joined our family. and yesterday, we marked the event with a joyous occasion.

yesterday we did the 'cukur jambul & kesyukuran' for little H. i dont have a lot of pictures, but this will suffice.

the pelamin was done by jendela.impian.mempelai, the same people who did my akad nikah, tunang and reception.

my two heroes..

so, everything went according to plan. but we have still yet to shave all his hair off. that will probably be done together with the akikah..

SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED...

2011-03-04T12:55:00.004+08:00

alhamdulillah, syukur to god almighty.. on the 27th February 2011, i gave birth to my round little Harith Ridhwan bin Hamidi. And not a day (nor night) goes by that i regret it.. he is the perfect addition to our new family tree.

the story?

initially, i never thought that i would be going into labour on that day. well, who can guess right? i didnt show any signs of labour nor did i have any of the three signs of impending labour (ie. bloody show, water break nor rhythmic contractions). but i guess, i spoke too soon...

on the 26th Feb (Saturday), me and mids decided that staying at home was a bore and that we should get ourselves out of the house before we grew cobwebs. so, we headed off to Zahra's (Haiza&Farez's little girl) little kenduri thing. free food is always a great point to get out of the house. then we headed to go find supposed red velvet cake (that i have been desperately seeking) but to no avail and we returned home.

that night was the worst for me, my fb status said it all: who else would mop up your vomit at 2am? and at 4am... and later at 6am and 7am... that night i had the worst vomit/emily rose impersonation ever... never throughout my pregnancy have i been so weak. i have literally emptied out my stomach that i was shaking badly. but the worst was yet to come...

27th Feb at around 9am mids woke up and i told him i have the worst stomach ache. he asked if it was contractions. and i really cant tell as i have been vomitting and 'depositing' like crazy. so we decided to give stomach a little rest and see how.

at 10am stomach ache was definitely not something that came every 3-5mins and lasted for 1 min or so. so we packed up slowly and headed off to hospital. initially, we went past SJMC, because we thought it was just a stomach ache and went to PPUM instead.

around 1130am, i was getting really bad period pains. ones that make you just stand in one place and stare like a crazy person. one doctor came in and asked plenty of questions (houseman doctor, so he is excused) and then came another doctor and put her hand up my vah-jay-jay (to do the Vaginal Exam).. i can tell she had fun, she even went to the extent of putting one hand on my shoulder and pushing the other hand further up. she said 1cm... really? i told her the pain was unbearable, thats why i came. she told me it would take a long time till 10cm, and that i will have to be warded. so much for just a stomach ache.. she told me that a normal person expecting their first child would take a minimum of 1cm per hour. i gasped..

so at around 3pm i was warded, in robe and pressing on the bed in pain while waiting for that 1cm per hour opening. later i had a bloody show and as the contractions progressed, i knew that somethings not right. called the doctor to do another VE, and she looked suprised. 5cm in less than 4 hours. i was wheeled back into the labour room. it was definitely going to happen today. i knew it..

they strapped me in bed and asked me to wait. i was wriggling on the bed in pain. i constantly cried and begged them to drug me with an epidural. even to the extent that i begged their mercy for it. thankfully i had mids's sister by my side, i cant imagine other ladies who had no one. what kind of pissed me off was that even if they knew i was wheeled down at 5cm, they skipped me t0 attend to another person. and at 6pm, when they did another check and i was 7cm dilated. it was too late for an epidural. but my water had not broken yet, so they decided to wait it off. only god knew the pain i went through without any form of pain relief. ya tuhan...

then the doctors came back and broke my water bag, the feeling was a big relief, but the pain later escalated and became worst. i was in so much pain, i vomitted all over the side of the bed and even on my chest. at 7pm, i was at 9cm and ragging to push like crazy. i could feel the baby's head bobbing about down-there and i was lucky to have my SIL and a nurse constantly begging and coaxing me not to push yet or i will have a really bad tear. so, i tried not too.. a really huge try..

then the doctors knew that it was time. suddenly, the whole are became noisy and full with doctors, housemen and nurses.. they propped up my legs, looked at it, wiped stuff on it and told me start pushing. they set two joysticks on the side of the bed and asked me to pull on it when i pushed. and i did. i even wanted to rip the thing off if i could. just three long pushes later, i heard the whole room say in harmony.. "okay.." and that was my relief.

at 747pm, the doctors showed me my little pink boy. held up by his hands and feet like a roast chicken, i couldnt be more relieved. alhamdulillah.. my SIL consoled me and as she went away the first thing i said was... "nak baskin robbins..cookies and cream.." even the doctors attending to my placenta wanted to laugh. but at that moment, that was all i could say. shaken and stirred, i waited patiently for the doctors and nurses. they took my baby to me to be BF'd, cleaned me up and later mids came to my side. ive never seen the look of satisfaction and relief on his face like that day before.. and i cried.

they wheeled me outside to the counter and i could hear my whole family. i could hear them talking and i was eager to meet them. and to my surprise, my SIL came in with a baskin&robbins package. hehehehe... i hugged it. even i forgot that i had asked for it :)

so that was the story. its barely a week after the delivery and i thought that id write it down before i forget. but somehow, i dont think i will be able to forget such an experience.

and im also thankful to god that all three of us share the same memorable date from now on..

my birthday is 27th Aug, Mids is 27th Sept and Harith is 27th Feb (also the same day as my dad)... what a great coincidence! and definitely not planned..

so world, i introduce to you...

name : HARITH RIDHWAN BIN HAMIDI.

dob : 27th February 2011.

hosp : PPUM.

weight : 2.88kgs.

note: i did not use nor bring along air selusuh or any form of 'aid' in delivering... peace!

THE LIST

2011-02-11T22:33:00.004+08:00

erm ok, i actually intended to post this together with the one below, but somehow it posted itself differently. so, i'll just continue here.

well, some people have been asking me about my list of things to buy etc. so, i thought id put it down.. alhamdulillah, i had a few lists to compare to also. Dont worry, im not turning my blog into a whole baby thing :)

SLEEPING

Cot - Ikea (the cheapest quality product)
Mattress, Padding - Ikea
Pillows, Blanket set
Cot mobile

BATHING - Mothercare (thank u Mama, i was really pokai at that time)

Bath tub
Changing mattress
Hooded towels
Bathing kit > comprises of talcum powder, cotton balls, nail clippers, wipes, baby box etc

TRAVEL

Stroller and Infant Carrier - Halford (though i really wish i had the money for a quinny. it makes me sad when i see one)
Diaper Bag - Gin and Jacquie (well worth the trip to KLCC. such an affordable and worth it bag)
Mini toileteries for diaper bag
Rocker (thanks to my Bro-in-law)

FEEDING

Breastpump - Tommee Tippee (50% off at littlewhiz.com)
Pacifier
Bottles - Tommee Tippee
Storage pots and Pumping bag (to pump at the office)
Sterilizer and Bottle warmer
Nursing Bra
Drying rack for bottles

i didnt list down the clothes, because im sure i might have less, but i believe we will be picking up more while baby grows up. so, its up to imagination really..

as for the hospital bags..

MY BAG

socks and sweater
toiletries
phone charger
surah yassin
sanitary pads
pants, t-shirts and undies (3)
nursing bras
cream for nipple/tummy
going home clothes
towel
robe
air selusuh
GL/insurance letter

BABY BAG

bathing stuff - toiletries
rompers (3)
mittens, socks and hats
swaddle blankets
newborn diapers
infant carrier/sling

so that just sums it all up.. all thats left now is to wait for the correct time..

see u then.

238 = 9 (long post)

2011-02-11T22:04:00.005+08:00

post numero 238 at 9months :)

alhamdulillah, i made it this far.. and double alhamdulillah is the fact that my pregnancy has been superb. i can count how many times i vommitted and i have been blessed with the most understanding hubby. my swelling started quite late. as soon as i reached into 9months, my feet went bloated like crazy, i waddled like a penguin and peed so much that i had to carry a spare underwear around.. but its all good. as long as baby is healthy..

this is me now.. at my brother-in-laws wedding last week..

well, i believe im going to miss having this big belly around. having a little person react to certain things which often made me laugh and having someone follow me around everywhere is really a treat. im going to miss this feeling. even when midi was not around, this little guy would twist, kick and turn to amuse me. and when i sang a song, he would try to reach my hands on my belly. i cant wait to meet him. :)

apart from that, all the necessary stuff are ready. alhamdulillah, both me and mids managed to prepare most of the big expensive stuff with our own money (sigh), but hey, i feel happy and glad that we did.

and insyallah, we are due to deliver early March 2011 at SDMC...

owh and one more thing.. welcome to the world MAYA ARESYA SOFEYA (hope i spelt it right) beautiful little daughter to Mrs Nadira. May God bless you both..

...

2011-01-22T14:24:00.003+08:00

dear god, these hormones are crazy..

was going through my photo albums and instantly cried when i saw this..

i really need a vacation god. in fact, i really need that HONEYMOON.. i wonder why its so hard to get? im just so tired for waiting for it..

2010

2011-01-02T00:16:00.007+08:00

wow.. has it been that long already? last year passed by very fast indeed, and i still cant recall whats been happening..

so, i thought id summarise all of it up..

JAN:

1) the W3 at Batu Pahat on the 02 January 2010.

2) Bangkok with the everyone of Mids's family.

FEB:

1) First V-Day as Husband and Wife.

2) Lake Kenyir with my family.

MAR - JUNE:

1) a lot of weddings..

2) the day that changed our lives..

JULY:

1) last day at Messrs Shook Lin & Bok.

2) the trip to Sabah - our mini honeymoon.

AUG:

first day at KWSP

SEPT - NOV:

nothing much also..

DEC:

7th year Anniversary - celebrated at Chalet, Equitorial Hotel.

so that was my year. Alhamdulillah, god gave me a good one. A blessed one. One with all that a girl can dream of; a husband, an extended family, a child and never-ending great friends...

cant wait for whats in store next year...

235

2010-12-03T22:43:00.003+08:00

OMG.. seems like i have much to update huh? shall we go in order?

ok then..

1. this is the latest. well, this was actually me at 5mths. so, u just add one more month and a little more inches to the curve.

apart from that, in light of baby news, all is going well. i am rounder and competing with midi by the day. a few mishaps happened, but nothing that could hurt my little H (so i hope and pray). but one thing im more than excited to share is the fact that little H is starting to (look like) he is crawling out of my tummy. its freakishly scary how i can see my tummy skin moving like something is under my skin (duh, baby!!) but it freaked me out at first. now, it just makes me excited all the time. even mids is dragged into the excitement too.. (every 5-10 minutes)

yes, we have changed the future name and yes, it is going to be a normal name. sorry to dissapoint u all.

2. we moved house.

actually, mids and i have been planning to find a home of our own for some time now. but we were too engrossed with baby planning. dont blame us.

one day, mids called and he said that i should really check this place out. so we did. and we fell n love.

i asked mids 'kenapa tetibe u nak cari rumah nie b?'

'i nak tidor harituh lepas court (kantoi), tapi i tak boleh plak. i terfikir pasal baby. i mean, we were both brought up in a house with atleast a place to run around in. and sedihla i klau anak kita tak dapat rasa rumput or play on his bicycle..'

dont u just want to cry at that statement? *sigh*

so a few days later, we packed up and moved. life here has been a bit scary as i have been used to living in a smaller area, but i like it here so much. i just cant wait to have little H running around the house. :)

3. minyak naik harga. (translation: oil up price)

i know im supposed to be neutral and all. but this has t be evaluated. just now i got an sms saying that the oil prices have risen. and frankly, i dont have a stand. im neither pro nor con (with the exception of my FB status).

i know the public at large is scared of the increase. scared that their living standards are now forced to be more restricted. i felt it already myself when at the office somebody wanted to borrow my money to eat. and even if i had only rm250 in my bank (yes, i do), i decided to give it to her anyway. i knew she needed it. otherwise she wouldnt have asked for it.

like all countries, our-beloved-malaysia comprises of the rich, the poor (under the given required standards of the government) and the middle ranked. i believe myself and mids are of the middle ranked (shoo what u have to say. atleast i dont pretend to be rich, when truly im counting every sen). the poor have been that way for a while. and they have accepted that. the live their lives according to their money and they maneuvre with caution. they ride their motorcycle to work and fill it up with rm10 oil/petrol.

the middle have their way also. they spend when its gaji time and they save up the rest of their salary/earnings for any others along the month. this is the most common class. thats why its always a hassle to go shopping at the end of the month. this class is normally the one to complain (and i am of no exception). their life per year is a curve line. bonus time, the line goes up. schooling time, the line drops down badly. but in whatever situation, this class will be safe. as long as they maintain the lifestyle the have and realise when and when not to use/spend.

lastly, is the rich class. they complain the most. especially with any increase whatsoever. because u see, when u have more, the more u fear to lose even a mere 0.5 percent. correct?

so basically, do u see the pattern that i am trying to convey? i believe that even with the increase of anything in malaysia, we can/will survive. because we have adapted into every increase so far. and look on the bright side, this will show malaysians to not be so bodoh-sombong. if u dont have an education and/or dont want to work hard for it, then there are always the easy jobs such as pump assistants at petrol stations. that will get rid of the immigrants... and that can also reduce crime rate... think about it..

but albeit the above, i am still confused when it comes to politicians and/or persons with high ranks. if they really worked hard for it then why not. but if they just sold their saliva to get where they are, then it takes more to convince me. to represent the people, u have to atleast look like ur one of the people, not higher than the people.. but thats just me. i could go on forever about them. but i prefer to sleep now..

till then, let us meet again soon..

CATS' OUT

2010-10-18T15:10:00.002+08:00

actually, i have a lot more important things to state out. but, to me this is important. so last saturday, me and mids went to scan our little pea. and thank god, both of us were shocked to know that....

no wonder baby moves so violently when mids plays his guitar and/or at night. exactly like his father. as a women, im happy beyond content to finally know the gender of my child and i can finally get on with shopping!! hahahaa..

so, the story is, i let the 'cat-out-of-the-bag' (so to speak) yesterday at the family tahlil. and the reactions were not as i expected.

mind u, this is perhaps because of hormones or tiredness, or any other pregnancy related matters, but i was kinda upset with some of the reactions. i was and forever will be GLAD to announce that im having a mids junior. but other people just seem to push it away and keep saying 'takperlah, maybe girl next time..'. without even the congratulations first!! what did my baby do to deserve that? it boggled my mind for the rest of the night and even made me feel a little upset. then i knew why.

long ago, a son as a first child was the talk-of-the-town. he was pictured as brave, courageous and the protector of the family when his father was not around. nowadays, they eat, wash their own hands and karaoke afterwards. and even have a little extra time to recommend that you cook nicer next time.

i would recall numerous times when mama said that she was lucky to have me. i was her extra ears, her comfort and her extra hands when she needed them. and i have to say, i dont mind seeing as i dont believe the men could do any better or even the same. it saddens me really. id do it for mama.

so i confided in mids last night bout this. and he said that he understands. he totally understands and that he tries as hard as he can to make sure i know that he knows. and i do. but he says that as a man, their ego is not to do that. not to help, not to worry themselves over little things like washing their own dishes while they wash their hands. this so called 'takut bini' approach is a scar on their ego. so i rest my case. but atleast i know mids understands.

back to baby, i dont CARE what other people want to say about him. i will train and educate him to be a man of his own. let him takut bini, but atleast, he has the respect of god and other human beings. i will ensure that he is sensitive to others yet still maintaining a macho exterior. i dont want him to take me for granted. i dont want him to grow up thinking that he has a mother and/or sister to do his stuff for him. i dont want him to have that TYPICAL malay thinking. tau nak politik jer, family lupa..

and i dont care if he is not a girl.. atleast i have one and im sure that he will love me as i love him.

grins

2010-10-04T23:46:00.003+08:00

its not an excuse that i have not been online lately (apart from fb via phone) due to fatigue, nausea....bla bla bla.. but then again, if you are in my shoes, you just cant help it. as you can probably tell by the ticker on the right, i am ____ far along (depends on when you are reading this). sometimes, i miss typing so badly, i would conjure up imaginary blog entries in my head while i read my agreements during work time. funny. but seriously, if only the laptop was on 24/7 and if only i can type with my eyes.

the past few months could not be more blissful. i am now the biggest baby ever. i could practically get away with murder. and get a kiss afterwards. hehehe.. i can sleep the whole day, eat what i want (not that i actually have the appetite), discard the rubbish around the house, whine when it gets either too cold or too hot etc etc.. but again, i really cant help it. seriously.

but the most frightening thing, even more than the vomitting that people have been warning me about (owh yeh, i have not vommited so far yer people..peace!), are the TEARS. damn, im telling you, these things flow without me even knowing. and i just am not able to hide the fact that im upset or saddened at anyone or anything. its sooo not me.. kind of funny also.

which brings me to the previous open house at my parent-in-laws in batu pahat: as always, there would be a tonne (or ton) of visitors at their house. according to the villagers, it was a much-awaited yearly event. and trust me, i was a bit amazed that an open house had a live band! aha, thats right.. anyways, we were playing pass the baby around (someones baby) until mids had the little girl in his arms. the girl just slanted onto his chest in his arms and the both of them just brought tears to me. i fell in love with him all over again at that time. i can tell that he is ready. i on the other hand, still fell a little scared. mids played with her, joked with her...the two of them were just perfect. <3

so now mids and i are in full gear into greeting little E or D into the world (yes, we have names at the ready!). almost halfway there. dont worry, for sure you will know further. but for now, this is progress...

SIGNING IN

2010-08-15T12:46:00.002+08:00

dear blog,

first and foremost, i would like to say sorry for abandoning u for such a long time. its not that i do not wish to write/type in u again, but its just that i have lost a little power to do so. however, pls note that i always intend to.

a lot has happened in the past month(s) or so. too many to list down. but for u anything..

1. i finally left Messrs Shook Lin & Bok, and listed it as part of my resume. after 10months or so there, ive never felt so light and airy in my life. im so emancipated. the last day i said all my good-bye's and tata's and left my hugs to those i have grown fond of. i will miss it there. dont get me wrong. but i do believe that i deserve way better, as a human being.

2. alhamdulillah, a few weeks after i left, i got a call from another place that i had my heart on. and it has now been almost 2 weeks at KWSP. the feeling here is much better that the previous place. i actually feel like i am appreciated. but its still new. so, i will try not to get too comfortable. so far, its nice. i was quite worried about starting work again as i had another little thing to think about...

3. on the last few weeks or so i was at SLB, i fainted. nothing exciting. but this one wasnt planned. normally, i would plan it ahead. and i would always anticipate it to be in front of aji's room. but this one left me all shaking and disorientated. like i was sick or something. but i was fine that morning. hurm...

so at lunch, i had a little 'gatal' hands to go and buy myself that POAS (pee-on-a-stick) thing. and god could not have made a much better surprise than that. two lines!!! alhamdulillah..

as for the fate of that stick and the other 9/10 sticks after it, they all changed me and mids's smile even wider.

alhamdulillah it is now 11 weeks. and the ticker on the right-side will tell u the rest. i guess i regret being so impatient before this. but god had something up his sleeve and i was just too excited to know what it was. now, i want to care for it as much as i can. becos i have been waiting for it..

and as for my fellow friends (nadira, aida, nana etc) , who are due around my time, i cant wait to see the bumps..

so thats whats happened so far, and i promise i'll try to keep track in the future. if i have the time.. heheheh.. all i need now is prayers..

KETAKUTAN

2010-07-08T16:36:00.002+08:00

amazingly, i can relate to the person whom sent this postcard. btw, this is taken from postsecret.com. part of the reason why i vowed to myself never to return back to Aberdeen unless my life depended on it.

iskh, apsal tetiba nak nangis ni? hampeh btol la..

NOM..NOM..

2010-07-07T16:39:00.002+08:00

mids, nak semua di atas nie.. (sabar tikah..sabar...sacrifice..) ok...

*pic credit en google..

KE MENARA GADING

2010-06-30T17:25:00.003+08:00

dear masters of law programme,

first and foremost, i would like to thank u for being so generous to me last semester. i didnt expect such result at all. and i certainly believe i dont deserve such with the attitude that i had been displaying. however, thank u again.

as the new semester is rolling in, i have been preparing my body, soul, mind and pocket for the suprise that will be your fees. and believe me, i am a tad bit suprised over the unexpected.

i am certain that the fees given by the bursary department of uitm are correct. and hopefully, that is all that i will have to pay. please let that be all that i have to pay.

so as my fingers are feeling a little nimble, i thought id research via the web for comparison with other law faculties, mainly UM and UKM. i dont know any other univ's that provide llm, so as of now, these will do. please note that as the ipsis website is so helpful, i had to guess how much my fees are according to what has been paid and is expected to be paid.

Coursework (RM)*

UiTM 5,118.00

UKM 5,300.00 (part-time) & 6,210.00 (full-time)

UM 4,988.00

*please note that this is all an estimation as i do not have the time to do a real survey on this. perhaps i will save it for my phD.

so there you go. perhaps u can be a little bit more lenient.

much regards, tikah.

PULANG DENGAN CINTA

2010-06-29T08:55:00.002+08:00

(returned with love)

yes, mids has returned last saturday (26/06) and I was thrilled. Hehehe. anyways, the weekend pretty much went like this;

Sat:

sent mama to UM (owh ya, she was here to accompany me throughout my time alone. and to make sure I didnt kill myself while awaiting mids)
went for Adam&Aida's reception at KJ with beloved Nurule
pick up mama and send her to klia
waited for mids to return with gifts for me (to insert pic)
accompanied mids to the 'battle of the band thingy' > ok, i simply have to elaborate on this one. poor mids suffered from an extreme case of vertigo, upon which the balance in his ear/body has gone haywire. thus, he was really ill and weak when i picked him up. but he still wanted to go that night..
went home for some good cuddling

Sun:

woke up real late
headed off to Midvalley for the Pet Show and bumped into this cute lil thing (to insert pic)
tea at Alexis, then dinner at PappaRich
and a movie, Knight & Day (hilarious!!)
home for more cuddling

Mon:

woke with terrible pain (both of us)
ran for interviews at USJ1 (11am) and another at Phileo D'mansaraI (3pm)
pick up precious hp (after 2 months service)
dinner at Sushi King
movies at home (WhiteChicks)
oh.. and cuddling...

so that just pretty much sums up my weekend. and Mon we both didnt go to work. Mids was in pain and I had both an interview and a pain too. but it was the best weekend evar!! I had love all around me. Mama, Nurule, Mids... never ending love from all those I loved back. bliss..

anyways, me and mids were thinking about how to celebrate our 1st Anniversary at the end of this year. and I have something in mind. I really hope it works out. if it does, it would be the best dream yet..

oh and the pics will be inserted when i return home.

TUHAN MAHA ADIL

2010-06-24T13:38:00.005+08:00

ok, this month has been super-duper emo. non-contested. and seriously, i also cant relate as to why i am like this. im getting fatter (dah, jangan nak salah fikir, korang ni kan..), i eat more, im more lazier and hell, i sleep so much.. oh, and i cry at almost everything. just now, after blog hopping and working like hell, all of a suddden, tears. this is stupid.

weird.

anyways, last night was fun, mids and i YM'd with video. as soon as i saw his round-momel face, i cried. (see? what i tell u? crying) we didnt talk/type much, but it was great to see him. feels like a long time.. he made me laugh so much with his gestures.

actually, im supposed to be happy, but i felt sad. happy-sad? i guess when its happiness for others, it will be sadness for u. esp if it matters, a lot. but i will have to agree; tuhan maha adil.

dah la. malas lah. i guess not every 'shooter is sharp' and not every 'ground can bloom'. atleast now, i wont get anymore harassing questions, as mr blog here is up and running again. see why i had to un-private again? also, its been a while, its old news to them to ask..

good lah.

spare me more tears. but its ok. REALLY. others have it much much worse. atleast i have mids.

ps: changed the title. all of a sudden, hated the old one so much..

PULANGLAH...

2010-06-23T10:50:00.004+08:00

hurm, how do i make this sound not so bitchy or manja?

anyways, yesterday, i felt a little lost and alone. i didnt have motivation and i kept looking outside the window after 5:30pm. my phone never left my side and my eyes were droopy. ocassionally, i walked around the house to perform my prayers.

why?

mids left me to go to cebu, phillipines yesterday. :(

i know, i know. he is only gone for a while. and i know that i am actually not that clingy type. but seriously, last night was terrible. (maybe also becos i watched 'lovely bones', which made me cry like crazy) and to make matters worse, i had a dream that i woke up in the middle of the night to get something from the hangers. want to know what? (dont laugh. promise not to laugh ok?) i took his shorts that is never washed to sleep with me, and it was not a dream.

i feel like such a loser.

and worser (worser?) than that was that i actually woke up bcos i fell off the bed rolling. ok sorry, let me explain this one. normally, i sleep with pillows around me or my huggable mids nearby, to make sure i have someone or something next to me when i sleep. i believe i developed this since childhood. bcos mama would often pat my bum-bum until i fell asleep. it was sort of an assurance that i had her near me when i slept. clingy kan? (T.T") so normally, i would roll until i bumped into mids and then i know that he is there. but last night, i kept rolling until i fell. bcos he wasnt there. (please bear in mind that this is sub-conciously done, i am unaware of it. but if there is no one there, i will awake)

so there u go. my other half is away. until saturday night. hope its not going to be like this until then.

if im like this, wonder how other wives are like? esp those that are left for months. hurm..

mids?... where art thou?

*ps: excuse for bad spelling, typing real fast. many work to do..

THE LAST OF THE BATCH...

2010-06-20T00:13:00.004+08:00

for now.. hehehe...

anyways, congrats 'love-birds'.. you guys are perfect for each other..

No. 13 MRS. NUR AIDA & MR. ADAM

wishing all those married the 'love' of their life... marriage is a bliss and a blessing..

ps: happy 6th month mids. half way already kan??

ABAHKU TERCINTA

2010-06-17T16:18:00.006+08:00

beberapa minggu lepas, aku balik JB dan bertemu dengan keluarga tercinta. dlm pada beberapa hari tu, abah cakap dia nak gi Italy, Milan to be precise. Mula2 aku tak fikir apa lah. tapi kan tetiba hati ni gedik sangat nak ikut. aku pon taktau kenapa. selalu kalau abah gi jalan2 dia tu, aku tak kisah pon. ada skali tuh, aku call dia, rupanya dia dkt Indon dengan mama etc. tergamak diorang tak bagitau aku. habis duit bill aku..[eh, wait, abah bayar bill..ok, habis duit bill abah -.-]

jadi, sejak kebelakangan ni, aku pon beriya la google macamana nak gi THE MALL nie. apa itu? OMG! tatau ker? (bitch mode jap) di situlah tempat syurga branded items ie. Selvatore Ferragamo (betul ke eja?), gucci, LV, prada dll. senang crite boleh mati sorang yang happy la. branded outlet stores yang senantiasa sale and murah skit dari malaysia (berpandukan apa yang orang cakap la). yang ini idaman hati i so far... aduhai hensemnya.. mlm smlm siap mimpi yang ni lagi wokey? oh, cinta (eyp, lupa plak aku ada suami)

jadi, aku ni siap mintak izin dari suamiku dan telah mengira tiket flight yang paling murah. yang bestnya, tarikh bila abah nak gi pon aku tatau. main syok sendiri jer. dah la tak buat keje dkt ofis. takpa, akan menjadi ex-ofis pon. so, tadak hal la leka skit. skit je tau :)

aku siap tengok beg2 musim baru lah, kira brapa ringgit nk convert la... senang crita, mmg all-out lah..

jadi untuk mengesahkan trip ini, aku pon sms la abah. tanya dia bila dia nak gi. nak tau apa reply dia?

"..22hb jun.."

WTH? klau mids ni, dia akan ckp 'apahal bai?'. minggu depan tuh. hah, eloklah, minggu tu suami tadak, peluang berjoli pon tadak.. apalah nasibku ini?

jadi tulah ceritanya. orang lain mengidam nak durian merah la, nak kereta la , nak itu nak ini, aku pulak dah kemaruk sangat nak berjalan-jalan. bodoh kan aku nie? dah nampak mcm desperate sangat plak dah...

tapi sedih gak la.

mungkin ada peluang untuk order? what say u abah? untuk baby girl faveret mu ini?

ps: UPDATED.. abah tak jadi pergi, sbb dia pon tak sempat nak beli tiket etc.. *grins*

pps: PANAS!!! i found a place where i can get THAT bag and many others for much cheaper.. *faints* jd, jgn jeles klau nampak datin tikah lpas ni uolls... hehehe..

PIGGIES

2010-06-15T22:11:00.004+08:00

sebenarnya, aku malas nak berbelog hari nie. sbb tetiba byk pulak keje nak kena diselesaikan. tapi ada topik panas pulak untuk dikongsi bersama rakan taulan.

mungkin anda akan teringat dengan satu post ni, (alamak, aku plak lupa) alah ada... aku berbobe (read in kelantan accent) pasal duit yang diperlukan untuk mengadakan kenduri dan mana aku nak cari duit tu. alah adalah.. jangan buat2 taktau pulak.. cis..

sebenarnya (buat kali kedua), aku tengah tensyen pasal orang. yelah kan, orang ni kita tak boleh kontrol, tu yang selalu buat kita sakit hati tuh. so eh, jadi, inilah ceritanya..

dulu masa aku join swasta ni, aku ingat free la dari gejala menjual tupperware, menjual avon, menjual herba2, menjual orang.. eh tak, orang menjual, gossip2 liar, pergi shopping dkt ~~alamanda~~ waktu sembahyang jumaat, dll yang sewaktu dengannya. sila jangan terasa mak2 ngah diluar sana. so, nak dijadikan cerita, aku kira bebaslah. bebas untuk berjoli. bebas untuk memakai skirt seperti ini;

bebas untuk memakai seluar yang nampak (bak pepatah mama) alork jubork, bebas untuk memakai baju yang menampakkan alur susuku (O.o) dan senang cerita, bagaikan GRO la.. tapi versi berpendidikan dan berpendapatan tetap yang bukan ikut musim.

tapi kusangkakan terang, namun hujan pula ditengah hari. (ewah) taklah, aku silap sangkalah. rupanya dah ada dah versi diorang sendiri pasal aku. fuh.. dasyat. macam samarinda plak.

dan yang lagi bestnya, diorang ni bukan yg ku sangka ie. golongan yang biasa menjadi nyah. fuh, bukan main tekejut den bila dapat tau pasal diriku di kaca mata diorang. gelamer kan i? (-.-")

tapi aku tak kisahla. malas den layan. sehingga lah ada yang mula berkata;

"where u went for honeymoon?"

"nowhere yet, why?"

"what? not yet ah? u sure? why? no money isit?"

"u can say that"

"i thought u lawyers are rich? i thought that day ******* told me u marry rich boy?"

"ayo, his parents rich lor, cant keep begging for money after marriage."

"but i thought u ****** are like that? thats why u get married early rite?"

"eh nolah.. i marry early so that i can do it anytime, anywhere like rabbits.."

ok, part last tuh aku tipu jer.. tapi perbualan tersebut membuat aku mual. dan loya. tapi aku dah tak boleh nak komen pasal ni lagi, sbb lpas ni, ~~pelamin anganku musnah~~ impianku untuk menjadi pasangan independant akan musnah. dan yang sedihnya, aku terpaksa akur. oh ya, dan yang lagi sedihnya, aku tak gi honeymoon lagi.. sibuk mengejar kerjaya yang kejam ni.

jadi apa patut aku buat bila aku bertembung dengan orang mcm ni lagi? tembak jelah kan? hurm..

MALAS DALAM RAJIN

2010-06-15T09:29:00.003+08:00

and how was the weekend for everyone? i had a nice one enough. tiring though. kesian mids, didnt get the chance to be demam and recover.

so, we had 4 weddings last weekend. fuh. without further a do..

No.11 CONGRATS TO MRS. KHAIRUNNISA & MR. AZHAR

No.12 CONGRATS TO MRS. NAJIA & MR. AZIM

and the other two W receptions were; Zaza & Hash's at Dewan Seksyen 7, Shah Alam..

with the 'queen-of-the-night'.

with the gorgeous dear bride-to-be, marina.. (pinjam pics tau)

(and) Mira & Faiz's at Dewan LGM, Sg. Buloh...

so that was my weekend. Happy Honeymooning guys!! Have fun (T_T") whatever..

ps: no thats all the pics, Billie is getting a bit too bulky to carry around. plus the rain is not that healthy for him..

BATUK KECIL

2010-06-11T09:16:00.003+08:00

ehem..ehem..

alhamdulillah, i managed to pass my first semester (llm) with flying colours. eventhough i wish it was more, but this is way than that i can ever imagine. throughout my degree period (bls/llb) only once did i get a result like this. and that was pure all out determination and sacrifice. now this is what it feels like. it feels so rewarding. and hopefully, the next two sems will pass with a breeze. perhaps abah is right, 'god has something for me, but he allowed me to make all these mistakes so that i can get at least a bit of experience'. cliche. but wise.

so yesterday a lot of 'let-downs' happened. but hey, this made up for it all. and i think i will go ahead with my plan as a way of celebration. while mids will be away on a office-conference-thingy (bestnya keje gomen), i want to go to the place i have been dreaming about the past few weeks. and perhaps, someone might join me. i have two choices. either near and relaxing (or) further but worthy. hurm. dilemma indeed. even if i have to go alone. but i kinda like it that way.
so ladies, a single trip? hurm.. i was thinking either;

(1) langkawi...

(2) port dickson... or,

(3) koh samui @ bangkok (depends on ticket price and availability)..

so yeh, i think its time for a self-reward. and like mama always said 'tak payah tunggu orang. kita pon taktau dia sincere or not. baik get it done ourselves'.. true enough mama. could not agree with u more.

so.. a single honeymoon?

SESUATU UNTUK DIBANGGAKAN

2010-06-08T09:48:00.002+08:00

last week was not a very happy one for mids and his family. we commuted to Surada a few times and it was fun. but fun then turned into somber mode and it caused mids to come up with a suggestion.

now, before marriage i got a talk from both mids's mum and my own. and both stated the same thing. honour and respect your husband. and his family off course. so as to now, i think im doing good. nways, this means that whatever i do/will do/ intend to do, will have to go through mids. but knowing mids, he doesnt mind as long as i am safe and he knows where i am. good. so can berjoli all night long.. arrriibbbbaaa..aariiibbaa.. but im a good wife ok. aiyp! biasa tu fikir jahat bout me.. babap kang.

so whatever the hubby/mids says, i have to take into consideration and DUTIFULLY oblige. hence the boldness of dutifully. the suggestion was one i would also make if i was in the same position as him and his family. off course, without a doubt or even a wink. in a heart beat. but i cant help feeling a little bit of unfairness.

mids, i know u read my blog and pls understand that i am a very understanding person, but what i say here is after a long (and lonely) deliberation. i love the suggestion and i also welcome it as it does bring benefit(s), but i would like for this to be looked at in both ways.

there are many things im proud of in my life. and the one im most proud of now is the home we built. even if it is rented, but its my pride and joy. my place of solice and id rather stay home and hibernate then anywhere else. the small kitchen that we made do, the bed that i never clean/make neat, the balcony with little bunneh outside. it would break my heart to lose this 'home'. my own home. and being a person who loves her privacy, i would ask of nothing more but that. the ability to walk naked in my own home (oopppsss... TMI) hehehee.., to nuzzle up to each other in front of the tv on the sofa and other acts around the house. never have i felt so at love with than at home, with u..

i wouldnt mind losing this home for another one though. but i think u get my point right?

love u lots.

YANG SAYA SAYANG

2010-06-08T09:30:00.003+08:00

yesterday i took an EL. want to know why? saje jew.. ahaks. no lah. i woke up early. around 6am, got my upper part of my body up, then fell back to sleep on the bed. motivation? gone. zilch. when mids asked me why i dont want to go to work, i told him i dont feel like it. and that i want to clean the house. yea right.. nways, at least i had the day to clean the house, mop it, dust it, cook kurma for dinner and bake cookies. wow, this whole house wife thing is quite cool. but seriously, i dont think i can make cookies everyday. how do those housewives out there do it? [O.o]

nways, on sunday as you all know, we (mids & i) had the wedding marathon. this weekend is only 3 receptions. next weekend will be 4. pls only 4. im running out of gifts. and wrappers. and ideas on how to wrap them.

so on the way to SarMun's W, we convoi'd (gee, aimy & syima) (faz & schumi) (me & Mids) and later followed by (Arep & frend). It was fun. Dah lama tak convoi kan? mids was all excited and laughing all the way. me? i was making sure i didnt have a heart attack. that girl gee, boleh tahan gak driving. the three of them (mids, gee & faz) could kill people. literally la.

all in all the weekends was fun.. nothing like a great meet with great friends. but for both gee & nurule, i want to thank you.. a little piece of advice got my hopes up. and you both know why. <3 u both endlessly..

FEB - JUNE (1/2)

2010-06-07T15:00:00.007+08:00

well.. this is all that has happened so far... the matrimony of these lovers... May god bless them always..

No. 3 CONGRATS TO MR. HAZRY & MRS. AZURA

No. 4 MRS. SYAHRIAH & MR. ROHAIZAT

No. 5 MR. ZHAFRAN RAHIM & MRS. MAS EZA

No. 6 MRS. AMIRA SARYATI & MR. FAIZ

No. 7 MRS. WAN ROSALILI & MR. FADHLY

No. 8 MRS. SARAH MUNIRAH & MR. AIEZUDDEEN

No. 9 MR. HASHLEY & MRS. ZAZNURIAH

No.10 MRS. HAZWANIE & MR. MOHD FAHMI

to all of them, i wish the best for the future and many many years to come throughout their lives together..
love u all and wish you all happiness to your cucu's.. <3 size="1">*pics courtesy of FB..

CHAK

2010-06-04T14:11:00.002+08:00

well hello. after almost 2 months worth of non-blogging, i found myself bored. and trust me, i get that easily. so i decided to make mr blog here up and running again. simply bcos i dont want people to get me wrong. in whatever given way. even if i dont spend much time with my affiliates ie friends, at least i know they read this and i know that they know how im doing. an indirect meet-and-greet, so to speak.

the past few months have been hectic. rarely, me & midi get to spend the weekends together, so BD is also lesser. *whats BD?, owh i simply cant let u know..so 18SX* so yeh, the past few months were directed to work, family, work, family and erm... work and family. aha. please dont get me wrong, not that i dont like it, but just a bit tired. but i do enjoy seeing other faces than just mids's only. if you know what i mean.

work. as most of you know, i have TENDERED. no, not beef. i have given in my two months notice. and that it will expire on July 12th. hopefully i will survive. two more new lawyers are coming into the team and i have already given them my reason-of-quitting-and-be-wary speech. long winded i know, but necessary ok.

apart from that, not much happened. but a lot will be happening this june. will update on that once its done.

but seriously guys, why do still stay to read this? aren't u bored of it? i mean, there isnt anything fun or new in my life (so far as im concerned) but what seems to be fascinating? hurm..

well then, anyhows, welcome back..

SEDIA SETIA?

2010-05-03T13:46:00.002+08:00

its 15mins to 2pm. i only have that much time left to ponder. the whole of last week and this week (taking into consideration the future), i have been beaten to the pulp. my very walls/pillars of fatih, hope etc are cracked. the only time i was happy? was at home, during the weekends. so happy, when i went out, i didnt feel like talking or even that much of fun.

degil, as people would call it. stubborn instead of naughty.

perhaps he is right. no, not perhaps. i AM stupid. i am incapable of thinking. such simple things also i could not evaluate to the level of thinking that i am to be with. i f**king have a double degree, for gods sake. and i am putting my f**king fate in the hands of others. he is right, i am not cut out to be a lawyer. i should just stay at home and grow myself fat. or better, he did recommend me to be a stay-at-home-housewife, considering the lack of brain-power that i have.

last weekend, mids made a joke. he wanted to move, he said that i could not compromise if we were to stay in shah alam. i cant? really? then what have i been doing the pass 4/5 months? spending all my own money to pay for the petrol, the tolls, the hours in traffic jam.. is that not a compromise? if its not, then what is? please tell me.

i do not want to ungkit, but this is eating me inside. the only reason i did not apply for AG's chambers was upon mids's persuasion. i believe you know what post i am referring to correct? then that shall be it then. go figure. now, its too late. i do not want to enter AG's chambers because i think that they are more relaxed. i want to because i need a break from this. i need a break from this type of 'person'. i need to know that i am a little smart somewhere. and that it was worth the whole sacrifice through degree.

yes, i may not be a dean's list student. and no, i am definitely not a person who is lazy nor incompetent nor stupid. i am just tired of you..YOU..YOU..YOU..YOU.. i did not go through those two law degrees to be beaten up by you. i wish i can say that to you now, if without my words, then by my actions. but im so tired right now. im so tired of thinking about your next move to beat me. im sick. sick of constantly trying to think of a new prayer to ensure that you dont make me kill myself. what did i do to deserve you? god? is this some sin i committed in my earlier years?

i just want to faint in front of your room and let the whole world know how 'good' you have been to me. if i didnt have such a beloved husband, i would definitely consider killing you. lucky for you, that will be hard, due to mids's job.

i pray that god helps you find solice. no, scrap that. i pray that god lets u live on earth longer. so that you can make more people angry and sad at you, and i can see your face in hell one day. not too much right? but, i pray that god gives you light. so that others can help this establishment and help the others who run this establishment. not you. sorry, you have lost my compassion. it is no more for you, nor even the slightest bit.

thank you for making me look like such an ungreatfull person. a quitter and a stupid person. thank you.

BLASPHEMY

2010-04-19T09:22:00.002+08:00

good morning monkey-butts. hope monday is delightful for all. for me its not so. but this morning is so far so good.

right, straight to the point. blasphemy. last weekend, our (alumni, me & mids) minds were a bit disoriented. news spread of one alumni that has supposed converted her 'birth religion'. and when we got to find out the background story, turns out ~~she~~ (oops.) that person, was confused. leading from a broken heart.

as always, i like to look at things from both sides of the fence. and regard this person as a glass ornament. fragile yet strong when given the right support.

why 'birth religion'? well, lets look at it this way shall we? all of us are born into a religion , descended down from our parents, and their parents parents. all of us assume that our IC holds the very exsistance of our identity. the religion we are, the name we are called by and/or the place we dwell in. perhaps, this person decided to make her own IC. get it? she would like to know what is her religion, what is her real name and/or where does or is she supposed to dwell in?

as a muslim, i was born into this religion. my parents and society (and now my husband) taught me how to adhere and work alongside it and i never questioned nor doubted any of it. (well, perhaps at times i was a bit delinquent) it also never occurred to me of what religion was i to be, apart from the one i am with now. and im contented with it.

but for her, she knew there was something else. many of you would say that she was poisoned by others. many of you would say that she was just too stubborn and what malays would call as 'peanut forgets the skin'. but i believe she is just curious. forgive me for stating so, but there were times when i questioned myself too. i asked myself. let the other people with their other religion live too. if we (muslims) believe that our religion is the supreme, then they will believe so too. and then, who is supreme? if there is only one God, and we all believe that only one is supreme? there cant be many 'one-supreme' Gods right?

so, yerh. but in my opinion, she took it a little too far. there is a clear distinction when it comes to questioning. when i asked myself the above question, i made sure that i did not step the boundary and/or made any drastic changes in my life. but she just took the leap. even if she contemplated for a while, but she still jumped. and that will cost her her background. ie. family. perhaps, not for long, but the wound will still be there.

all in all, i also had doubts. as i AM human. i asked questions to answers i thought i could answer. but its all faith. in whatever u believe in, as long as there is faith, it is the correct decision. besides, does it make much difference to you now that you have changed? and how are you so sure that that is the correct decision? if even the first one you questioned yourself.

im not a pious person. i do not adhere to all the guidelines and/or limitations. and i HAVE sinned. profusely. but i am still trying to make this work. i am still staying as i believe, that for all the goodness in my life, it had to come from somewhere. and it had to be the faith that i was with since birth. my 'birth religion'.

alhamdulillah for life. even with the s**t around it.

214:FORECLOSURE

2010-04-15T15:28:00.002+08:00

GIULLIANA & BILL

2010-04-13T17:59:00.003+08:00

hope i spelt it right. hehe.

yup, you guessed it. i watched their episode last night (via E!). strangely, it didnt effect me one bit. at all. and no, im not in silly-denial mode. seriously. hurm. could i be...? u know...?

anyways, beloved, avid, loved readers..
im announcing foreclosure on thy blog. farewell. for now. i think.

:)

213: BERJALAN DI ATAS PANCARAN MATAHARI

2010-04-06T16:01:00.002+08:00

(walking on sunshine...wooo..oooo)

yesterday was not good. opening up that way was not healthy. its amazing how when i had absolved and 'turned a new leaf', thats when i finally know the truth. and the truth was that i was selfish. and just plain stupid to notice that its my destiny. so i should just stop the whole facade. (however hard it will be). bcos if ellie (UP) can do it, then i am of no exception. correct?

anyways, today on the way to work, was stuck in jam. nothing new ha? near the sunway piramid part of the jam, the car next to me had a little boy (not cute, just little boy), who was holding a toy gun. he pointed it at me and pretended to shot me. i pretended to stick out my tongue and dead after being shot. the whole family in the car laughed.

what a way to start the day. a simple gesture, a simple joke with another stranger. give it a try.

so now, im walking on sunshine..wooo...oo.. and dont it feel good? (to forget and bury things away).. *forced smile* (-.-)

ATAS

2010-04-04T20:51:00.003+08:00

have u seen the movie UP? the disney movie? i have. like for the 110th time. and i will never get bored of it. each time, im so moved by it. the part above if the part im deeply moved by.

he loved her to bits and pieces.. and until her death, he stood by. what a great message to pass to little kids. i wish 'upin & ipin' had the same message. instead of just teaching them imagination.

ah well, i watched the opening part again just now and im all emo again..

3 GIRLS and a BOY

2010-04-01T14:12:00.004+08:00

As most of you know by now, last month (March 2010) has been blessed with the arrival of three beautiful-bouncing babies into the world.. and the best part is to those i love and know so well..

1 handsome & dashing BOY to ADLEAN & WAZY... namely RAYYAN DARWISH.

1 beautiful lil GIRL to NADIA & ALLY...namely DAMIA BATRISYA (might be changed).

1 (i know is going to be damn) cute and hot GIRL to HAIZA & FAREZ...namely ZAHRA (only got this part of the name thanks to mids).

1 lil cute tiny GIRL to Abg ANiP & wife.

*dont you just feel so light and airy?? dont you just feel like hitting the sack everyday and night?? hehehe..

on the other hand, this popped into the news today..

(Reuters) - Chinese officials have sought to contain public outrage after workers at a hospital dumped 21 dead fetuses and infants' bodies near a river bank.

just one word. one. ungrateful. apa kata dari korang campak dkt dlm sungai tu, korang bagi dkt aku ke? tak ke lagi bagus mcmtuh? kesian dkt diorang, kecik2 lagi dah merasa peritnya dunia. tapi kan, on the other hand, lagi bagus, daripada diorang hidup dengan makbapak yang tak reti bersyukur mcm korang yang buang tu. memang haram. sial. semua yang jahat2.. bila buat suka, bila dah kena, baru nak sedih. dah ada tu bukannya nak bersyukur. orang lain sampai bertahun2 nak tapi tak dapat, sampai dah nak bercerai-berai. pasal nak anak punya pasal. yang korang ni tau buang jer. mmg sialan. korang ingat org lain tu tanak gak mcm korang ke? org lain tu lg sedih, dah la kena soal selalu dgn org, pastuh tensyen bila orang asyik tanya jer. korang ingat buang tu habis cerita la? kawan aku yg buang tu pun sama je. happy je, mcm dunia ni dh kurang satu masalah. ko nak tau apa masalahnya? masalahnya, ko tak pandai buat!! bila nak buat tu, pandai2 la pakai c**d**, bila tak pakai, tu yg dpt tu. tak ke bodoh?? klau dah cukup pandai, benda yang mcm sosej tu nak masuk dkt mana, pandai2 la cari sarung utk si sosej tu. ada paham? yang lagi sedih tu, semua dah pandai lari gi t'ganu dah, sbb nak kahwin dgn boyfren dia. kecik2 dh pandai. skrg2nya kahwin gak. lg bijak dr si pembuang nie. secara peribadi, aku doakan pembuang2 ni gi mampus je. kan senang, destroy the problem from the root of it.

ok, hope you all have a nice day. XO.

BETWEEN EVASION & AVOIDANCE

2010-03-29T17:18:00.003+08:00

last weekend i pondered on my lack of luck. or better said, my unlucky fortunes. as a woman, i did all the necessary emotions associated with the result from dissapointment. and it took me sunday morning to realise that i had been irrational. irrational to the point that i had turned myself to become 'something that others wish me to be' not whom Tikah really is. but thats what a close-knit circle of friends can do to you (nothing bad off course).

then i got a message just now, after congratulating NADIA for the arrival of little DAMIA, she noted a few words of care which held with it such comfort and compassion that was way beyond what a reasonable man would perceive it to be. note=man. that sms almost made me cry. finally, an understanding soul. wait, there is another one, but this soul is experienced. but both i love and appreciate dearly.

when aji called me to his room today, i was suddenly limp and blank as a dead fish in a sink. and then i thought to myself, no wonder la. if everyday is to be like this, then i will never be bestowed with such luck. if everyday i am to linger in fear and the very burden of having to come to work, then what for i try? correct? so, i stole some time to rummage around for opportunities. and alhamdulillah, they came rolling.

i really hope that abstaining in 'this' matter will bring forth benefit in the end. and i really hope that that 'person' knows that i will do anything, even push aside my wants and desire for that 'person'. and that im sorry for being paranoid. but i really wanted to be 'able' so that i can come up with a better reason to pack up and leave aji. forever. but to date, its only been 4 months of him. damn. im such a loser.

perhaps mama is right (when is she wrong?), you just have to keep on trying..

HITAM MAGIS PEREMPUAN

2010-03-22T15:17:00.004+08:00

please read as 'black magic woman'. direct translation off course.

before commenting on daily life and all that revolves around this world, i thought id do a little note on last (and last-last; read two weeks ago) weekend. last2 weekend was Abang Azry & Azura's W. yes2, i will upload pics later. please be patient. not like its of any good quality anyways. then last week, sexy panda (read:hamidi) decided to take a last minute, quick and memorable visit to the island of Penang. bliss. on the way there, i realised that it was our 3 months anni. yes. we survived (sounds bimbo-ish rite?). went to where it all started. behind one of the hotels along feringghi beach. hehehehe. i get excited yet so bashful when i remember what happened. i cant believe midi actually proposed (to couple,not marriage) to me there while i was having a really bad stomach ache. i swear i almost s**t my pants waiting for him to finish talking and to get to his point. tehehehehe.

and yeh, i got to visit hot mama and papa Ad'lean & Wazy and off course, cute handsome little Rayyan. Sori yer Gee. It was so last minute.. hehehehe. (>.<)

and wait, erm, we went back to Miami Beach and stayed in this new hotel, Hydro Hotel. damn cheap and nice i tell you. ahhh.. its so nice to be back in penang. I wish to retire there whenever i get old enough. sori, forgot to bring Billie.

ok, back to heading. actually, i really dont feel like talking bout this. but it does sound rather interesting. long ago, in the times of Hang Tuah, Mahsuri etc., black magic wouldve dominated Malaysia (or Tanah Melayu) at that era. Now, in the era of iPods, iPads, smart tunnels, YM, MSN, facebook, twitter..bla..bla..bla.., you would never know that all that was necessary. or even that some people actually still practise such. doggy says im wrong. im dead wrong.

as with such technology, people are getting greadier (is that rite?) by the day. no one is satisfied with anything and nothing is ever enough. example? the infamous Mona Fendy off course. suprisingly, (based on a random independant survey) the rich people tend to practise this more than the poor. but then again, i dont blame them. if you la, already used to your BMW's and your fancy dining, would you like to give it all up when its gone? hell no.

its all good if you do this without harming others, but as Mona Fendy proved, it turned deadly (gruesome, i might add). please note that i myself am not a pious person. thus, i am in no standing whatsoever to give out any words-of-wisdom. but this is all just plain blasphemy to one's supposed religion. supposed because they claim to be really into one religion, whereas, they are just a little bit far from it. remember this guy? (gives me the creeps just looking at him) if you do, then you'll know what i mean.. gets me wondering, if he really has the whole power thingy, then why are his wives still only four and oh-so-good-looking? hurm.

all in all, i believe that this black magic stuff does exist. however, i also believe that if i believe in god (allah swt) more, then i might not succumb to it. i also believe that all this is also based on the power of persuasion. kind of like MLM (multi-level marketing). wow. could there be a relationship between MLM and black magic? hahahaha. me thinks so. you never know rite? if they dont, then why do they grow and expand like mushrooms nowadays?

so yeh, just thinking aloud off course. but seriously, when are we ever going to wisen-up if even the high ranking in our society wishes to succumb to an easier and faster way to maintain or even add to their lifestyle. when? (hikhik, emo)

for those who know, you know. for those who dont, keep guessing. hehehehe.

OT: i love u SP (sexy panda).

SAMPAINYA HATImu

2010-03-17T14:42:00.003+08:00

rite. as of now, im actually suppose to be working. what the hell do i care? ok, thats a lie. i do care. are u kidding me? im actually waiting for a clients call. as always, they lose file lah, clerk maternity leave lah.. bla..bla.. so i blog hopped, and i came across this person's blog. i would love to link it, but im afraid to. because i need to seek permission from her first. but i think she wont mind me talking bout it here, as she didnt private or state otherwise in her blog.

rite. little background. she works as a exec in a international bank in malaysia. she was married for 4/5 years. emphasise on 'was' ok darlings. and she is now married to a scottish man with 'adorable' (thats what she said) twins.

she backdated the posts as she copied them from her diary. i'll just qoute them in a simpler version...
___________________________________________________________________

Nov'07 ".. harinie genap 4 tahun sy dgn suami berkahwin. sy dh lama sampai rumah, tp si suami kata dia ada kerja dkt ofis. penting sgt-sgt katanya. takpa le. mungkin big klien perhaps. jam dah pukul 12 lebih malam nie. nnt sejuk pulak candle light dinner sy buat ni. mungkin dia ada suprise kot. tunggu jela ek.

diariku, sy tersedar pukul 4:30pg td. suami dh naik tido dkt bilik. sy pulak duk dkt meja makan tetido. dia tak nampak kot sy dkt situ. bila sy naik katil sebelah dia, dia tak kta apa pun. takpa le. dia letih sgt kot. mgkn dia akan wish utk sy esok. penatnye suami sy bekerja. tuhan berkatilah kami berdua."

Dec' 07 ".. suami bad-mood le smlm diariku. dia blk mengamuk sbb sy tak masak. mcmana sy nak masak? sy pon bru je blk rumah meeting dgn klien. dia marah sy mcm2. dia ungkit. itu yg skt tu. bila dia ungkit, hati saya sgt terluka. dia marah sbb sy beli kasut baru utk gi dinner syarikat dia. dia kata dia tanak bwk sy. dia kta dia malu dgn sy sbb sy takde anak.

mcmni le diariku. kau pun tahu betapa sedihnya sy setiap kali dia ungkit. sy pon tanak la keadaan kami sebegini. tapi tuhan maha adil. mungkin skrg bukan masanya.

sy faham situasi suami dan sy akur jika dia tanak sy ikut.."

Jan'08 "..diariku. harini sy berdoa hingga tertidur diatas sejadah. suami sudah tiga hari tak blk rumah. dia kta ada emergency outstation. kesian dia tuhan. penat mencari rezeki. nnt dia blk sy nk masakkan mask lemak favouret dia. mesti dia suka.."

Feb'08 "..diariku, suami sudah pulang. tapi sy begitu sedih. sy terlampau sedih hari nie hingga sy tidak dpt bernafas. terletak elok diatas katil sehelai kertas. ayatnya begitu memeranjatkan sy. tertulis disitu, aku ceraikan dikau. dan ditandatangani oleh suamiku. terus sy menelefon dia. dlm masa 10min dia sampai dan tidak sempat membuka kasut untuk masuk ke rumah, dia menyebut ayat-ayat dalam kertas itu. sy tak menangis pon. sy terlampau sedih. mujurla sempat menelefon adik sebelum pengsan di pintu rumah.."

Aug'08 "..salam diariku. semua sudah selesai. sy telahpun bebas dr si dia. pada hari bicara, dia hadir bersama wani. sy tak sedih melihat mereka berdua. sebaliknya ble sy lihat mereka, sy teringat masa kami bercinta di uni dulu. dan lantas sy tersenyum. dia begitu sygkan wani. dia memegang erat wani. dan disebalik bju kurung wani, perutnya sy nampak sedikit besar. bagusla, itu le yg si dia mahukan. hakim menyuruh mereka byr penalti kerana berkahwin di siam dan juga tanpa kebenaran sy. bila ditanya, sy kata pd hakim, sy hanya ingin si dia bahagia. sy benarkan.

hanya tuhan sja yg tahu. sy begitu sygkan dia dan sy lepaskan dia. kini sy harap dia bahagia.."

Sept'08 "..alhamdulillah. permohonan telah lepas. hjung bulan, sy akan ditukarkn ke glasgow.."

May' 09 "..diariku. hari nie sy sgh gembira. bulan lepas greg telah memasuki islam. tekejut sy. tiba-tiba je. kwn rapatku masuk islam dan tidak memberitahu. dia akan mengadakan kenduri doa selamat dirumahnya dkt loch. dia telah menjemput semua rakan-rakan islam. alhamdulillah, syukur ya tuhan.

seronok berjalan ke kampung greg tadi dgn kawan2 lain. masakn melayu penuh dimeja. tetapi yg plg terkejut adalah apa yang greg buat. selepas selesai berdoa dan makan2 kami melepak di anjung rumahnya. sy sudah lama kenal dia sebenarnya. sejak dia pindah di kl utk 5 bln. kami sgt rapat. tapi dia terpaksa balik ke scotland. takpa le. bila dh nk waktu blk, sy mohon blk dulu. tapi tiba2 dia melutut dan minta sy 'marry me..'. ya tuhan. utk kali kedua? sya tidak menjawab..

smlm greg rupanya telah tunggu diluar rumah sy. tekejut sy. dgn dia sejambak bunga. ye, diari. sudah 2 mgu sy tidak memberi dia jawapan. dia dpt tahu psal suami sy dulu. dia berjanji utk tidak menjadi mcm dia. sepanjang suami sy dulu buat hal dgn sy, sy tak penah nangis begitu byk. tp mlm tu, sy menangis hingga tidak dpt bernafas. tp sy nampak kesungguhan dlm mata dia.."

July'09 "..hari nie sy telah berkahwnin. untuk kali kedua. bersama sy, dia berjanji utk menjaga sy hingga ke akhir hayat. tuhan, mampukah sy kali nie?.."

___________________________________________________________________

rite. so thats it. she is now expecting twins and is happier than ever. she never once tried to contact her ex, neither did he. she did not put down greg's muslim name. but who cares? as long as she is happy. to be frank (why is it always frank?), i pity the lady. based on her story, she is successful career women who adores kids. perhaps, god didnot want them to be together? perhaps, they were destined to be with other people? but whatever it is, he should not blame or even shame her for things like that.

suddenly, im so greatful for midi. so far, he has accepted my flaws. and never once complained. everyday he kisses me off to work and never fails to say he loves me. hopefully with god's blessing, what happened to her will never happen to me. but even if she got a bad turn, god rewarded her in the end.

JEALOUSY

2010-03-16T14:42:00.003+08:00

pic from mr google.

hari ni ada je. bunga lah. hadiah besar lah. birthday cake lah. muntah2 lah. pengsan lah. geramnya aku. nak buat kerja pun tak senang. dah la banyak kerja. dah la sakit perut. pening. angin. lelah. semput. bad hair day. gatal2 allergik. sakit kuku. dahla pagi2 nak mandi pun tak puas, sbb ada kumbang 'bapak-punya-besar' melekat dekat shower aku. tak pasal2 aku menghabiskan dkt2 10min nak tolak dia ketepi. rimas...

pastuh sebab letih sgt, tak sempat nak lunch. boleh ke, turun nak tapau, tapi lupa beli nasi? beli kuih je? hey. pastuh tetido dalam bilik panas macam neraka ni. letih la. pening.

dahla jeles dgn 'gurl' aku tu. dah la dia baik. comei. dan dia sungguh bertuah.

dan aku sungguh la bukan penyabar orangnya.

*adakah ini balasan perkara2 lampau tuhan? jika ya, aku relakan. tapi aku tahu kau akan mengampunkan semua itu bukan? kerana kami telahpun cuba menyelesaikannya.. berilah aku peluang. hanya sekali pun sudah cukup..

sudahla. balik ni nak makan aiskerim dpn tv pakai sepender jer..

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

2010-03-12T09:19:00.005+08:00

last week (i think), i posted this, out of frustration and sadness, my heart sank as i recalled the moments that i was tormented with. many of u, (my fabulous friends) were there to push me up and encourage me not to further myself into this hole that i had so voluntarily dug and went into. and i duly appreciate such from the bottom of my heart. knowing that all of you were there to help me, was enough to help me stay on the fence longer, or even sane for a longer period of time.

so, i made my decision, after a few days of silence, deliberation and constant love and support from everyone around me, i submit.

off course, it was always mids who picked me up higher everytime i sank. can u just imagine the love? cant? ok, here is a photo of mids helping me out.

"dont you geddit tikah? whatever u do, i'll still love you.." :P

yep. thats mids for u. a great husband. nways, the night that i wrote the abovementioned post, i decided to ask the one whom knew the best. the one whom would always be there for me. and have always been since before i was even born. god. i decided to pray. not that i dont pray, but this is the special type of prayer (read: sembahyang, bukan doa). and no. not the type that some ladies do before they get married just to make sure that their future husband is the one for them. then i went to sleep. i had a dream.

i was constantly being beaten and taunted by these collection of people whom i could not recognise, but even if it felt uncomfortable, i wasnt moving from being in that position. i stood there. and accepted what they did. happily. and then, we all had dinner at a roound table. weird right? could this be what god is trying to tell me? does he want me to toughen it out? well, thats what i perceive it to be though.

so i decide to give it another go. i believe humans is as humans are. we have our ups and downs. we have our PMS's. just that aji does it in his own (read: hurtful) way. if there is an offer, i will leave. if not, i will try to toughen my guts. because in the end, its not him im staying for. its the goddamnit experience.

so, i think i found my light at the end of the tunnel. thank u, everyone.

the light at the end of the tunnel.. *pic by fwded email from dear Idrina

PS: congrats ~~abang~~ azzam, 9A's is WAY beyond what i can even dream of my result..

THE CARE BEARS

2010-03-08T10:42:00.004+08:00

on my way to work today, i could only think of three things...

1) mama. the supporter. the amazingly strong pair of cructhes that are always ready for me, whether i fall or not. my very own 'take-care-bear'.

2) midi. the cushion. the soft and comfy base of landing. the one which not only ensures that you dont fall too hard, but also showers with kissess and hugs afterwards. and not forgetting the tickle-to-make-you-laugh, that never fails to make me laugh. my one and only 'love-a-lot-bear'.

3) my friends. the cheerleaders of my life. the people who make me smile and laugh and forget the whole world in a matter of minutes. the people who wrap me in their warm cacoon of hugs, laughs, giggles and never ending care. they are all my 'care bear's'.

for my fav blogger/friends...

zaza = 'wish bear'. always wishing the best for me. achey = 'cheer bear'. always cheering me up with hope. petrina = 'do-your-best bear'. always ensuring i dont give up nor do i take the wrong turn and having faith in me. gee = 'share bear'. always with a hug and always concerned bout me. nana = 'harmony bear'. as we share a similar road in life. she is always willing to be there for me. is = 'tenderheart bear'. willing to be my honest ear.

and the rest, you are all my CARE BEARs too..

WHEREs THAT XANAX?

2010-03-07T18:51:00.004+08:00

at times like this. i really need mids around. more than ever. but he has better things to do. work called for him just now (please note that today is a sunday, and we were getting ready to go to watch a movie). but then again, who am i to groan? at least, mids has a great job. one with great bosses, great colleagues and a great atmosphere. me? i have a great headache. one that involves a GREAT boss. equal? i thought so too.

i missed our working saturday yesterday. and intentionally off course. never in my life have i hated to be somewhere or do something so much as i did yesterday. never in my life have i had to lie so many times and so deeply before. can u just understand the hatred and fear i have? i love going to work. i love holding my babies (files/matters) everyday and work on them and ensure that they are well taken care of. but everytime my phone rings, i have this big fear running along my spine. instantly, my mind stops with fear and i end up picking the phone late as i try very hard to think of any mistakes that i could or did wrong. can u imagine living everyday like that?

please dont get me wrong. i love my job. i can sleep at the office if i was asked to. my passion is to work. but him. yes, aji off course. he constantly puts me down. every day if he could.

last friday, he pulled me into the ground. so deep that i fainted in my room.

"... why are you so stupid... why cant you just listen?..."

and not forgetting the one which made me speechless..

"... i want to just sack (fire) you right now, but i cant as you have to be 6 months in.."

so now do you all understand my further dilemma? please help me friends. i really cant make this alone. what am i to do? did i do something wrong in the past that god gave me him? did i?

TOO KIND

2010-03-02T14:23:00.004+08:00

(in bahasa)

hari ini, aku diletakkan di dalam dilemma. mari kita mulakan dengan aktiviti mengenang zaman dulu-dulu.

masa aku kecik dulu (read: bukan dari segi saiz, tetapi umur. iaitu beberapa tahun lepas), aku sering ikut mama gi pasar dekat larkin. selepas berapa kali gi, aku sedih tgk mereka yang mengemis di sana. jadi, aku akan kumpul duit siling byk2 dengan harapan aku akan ke pasar dan aku boleh bagi duit2 tersebut kepada mereka. namun, aku sering lupa nak bawak siling2 tersebut (T_T)

hingga kini pun, mids sering marah saya kerana terlalu pentingkan orang lain diatas (above) diri saya sendiri. contohnya, saya lebih suka memberi hadiah kepada orang daripada menggunakannya untuk melantak dan memborong fesyen terkini. (baca: hingga kini, saya masih belum dapat spek mata marc jacob itu- apakan daya, jodoh tiada?)

jadi, yang terbaru ini berkaitan dengan kerja. untuk menjadi lebih tepat (to be more precise), aji dan rakan seperjuangan. seperti yang saya selalu berceloteh dan merungut di sini, sini, sini dan di sini, (epp. begitu banyak pulak luahan) hati saya ~~seperti dibelah luka tanpa kehadiranmu~~ tidak berapa berminat untuk terus kekal di firma ini. setiap kritikan, sogokan, usikan dan tekanan, makin menolak hati saya jauh dari firma ini.

dilemma adalah; baru tadi rakan seperjuangan saya memberitahu bahawa colleague kami (yang telah berkhidmat selama lebihkurang 7 thn) akan tinggalkan firma ini. wow. (O.o) jadi, nanti akan tinggal 2 org sahaja dibawah si aji. mampuihla kami..

saya terpaksa berbohong dengan rakan saya itu, kerana saya kesian melihat dia sedih mengenang nasib pilu yang akan melanda jika saya juga turut pergi. maka saya dengan baik hatinya berjanji dengan dia untuk tidak membuatkan dia risau. sungguh bodoh mulut ini.

tapi macamana hendak buat? itu adalah saya..

198: RAYYAN DARWISH MARWAZY

2010-03-02T11:51:00.005+08:00

yesterday (01/03/10), my hot friend, Ad'lean and her hubby, welcomed into this world a beautiful bouncing baby boy of 3kg's.. woohoo..

so, to this lil future rascal.. i bid, WELCOME.

pics will be updated later when i visit them.

*pic courtesy of ad's FB*

(>.<) tetiba geram nak cubit pipi mids..

A FULL WEEKEND

2010-02-28T17:13:00.004+08:00

wow..so, where do i start..

Fri: hurm. the weekend started with a great-but-tiring day hike up beroga hill. a great symphony between the AG chambers and the Bar Council..hehehe..

then that night, followed mids to a BbQ at his boss's house. free food is always great . met the pregnant haiza and we shared tips over TTcing etc.

Sat: Melaka. the W on Atong's side..

faz trying to give us tips to ensure that he becomes an uncle soon..

ala kassim... cheap hearty seafood..

almost everyone

YEARLY

2010-02-23T10:06:00.004+08:00

title has no connection whatsoever with the contents of this post.
as i was rummaging through my calendar today, i thought id keep myself updated on the upcoming events of this year..

March: Working Saturday Lunch > W Abg Azry (JB) > W Abg Azry (perak) > Alumni event in Melaka

April: LLm assignments > revision week > mini-honeymoon > LLm exams

May: ..to be filled out..

June: W Sarah Mun (pahang) > W Lili > W Ninie (kelantan) > W Zaza & Hash > W Aida

July: (anyone?)

Aug: Birthday > puasa

Sept: Raya Eid > Birthday Mids

oklah. i believe that will suffice. you never know who else might be hitching or tying the knot without letting me know kan? hehehe.. but whatever it is, im never not excited to know bout it.

ps: another suprise > CONGRATS TO MR AHMAD BAKHTIAR & MISS SYAZ for tying their engagement knot.. hehehe.. all the best! ~the authenticity of this is highly debated as of now, but as it came from a reliable & respected source, thus i believe it to be true...

NO. 2 OF 2010

2010-02-21T22:38:00.005+08:00

CONGRATULATIONS TO
MR MOHD HAZIQ & MRS JAIZAH

well today, two of my good friends got married. with 'one lafaz', both are now truly soulmates.
these two have a similar 'love story' as both me and mids did. for the four of us, this year will be our seventh (7) year together and our first year as married beings.
and both me and mids were happy with smiles as we understood exactly what they felt. the feeling of FINALLY being truly together..after getting to know each other for so long.

so, guys, my hats-off to both of you.. enjoy married life. its so much more fun than coupling..hehehe..

owh, and as i dont know the exact theme colour, i thought id colour the names according to the colours the family wore.. :P

i love her hand bouquet

om nom..nom..nom :P

*still sedondon, despite being 'pengantin lama'..

owh and ps guys; we are still trying to make all of u aunties and uncles real soon..hahahha..

ehem..ehem..

2010-02-18T10:18:00.008+08:00

i read my beloved achey's post last night, and thought to myself, hurm, i want to do a list too. since both mids and i are (supposedly) saving up for our le grande honeymoon (please notice the emphasis on 'saving'..), i would like to widen my options. after all, i do need a fr**king break..
so here is my list (ehem..ehem..mids), in no particular order off course;

1. Venice, Italy.

2. (never not in my list) Maldives.

3. (oui,oui) Paris, France.

4. Alaska

5. Japamala, Tioman Isle.

ok..that should be it for now la.. and off course, all pics credit to google.com/images.

*now if i can just find the right bank to rob..hurm.. *T__T

EMO

2010-02-18T10:05:00.001+08:00

this is not healthy..

being EMO too often over stupid things really suck..

poor mids..

JANUARY & (half) FEBRUARY

2010-02-17T22:35:00.005+08:00

okay, since ive been so f**king busy with work, i think it would be more appropriate for me to update monthly like this. not only to boast about my wonderful and amazing adventures in the past month, but also to remind myself that something is actually happening. apart from work.

so here goes,

1. Bangkok with Mids family.

2. Lake Kenyir with my family.

both were fun and amazing, and i wish for more family trips. but i need that 'both-of-us' trip now.. *sigh*

MENANGIS DI DALAM OFIS..LALU TIDAK MEMBUAT KERJA..

2010-02-10T17:15:00.004+08:00

Diary Seorang IBU

25 Mei 2009-
Today is my birthday...happy sangat sbb my husband awal2 pg dah
wish...kwn2 pejabat...along, imran my nierce...siap call kat opis tu
nyanyi2...ptg lepas opis hour...husband ajak pi pizza hut kat rawang...tp
aku rasa mcm jauh sangat..dia pun penat baru abis final exam...so kami
mkn kat tg malim je..

26 Mei 2009 -
bangun pagi je...time nak mandi...aku tgk ada darah...mcm 1st day
period...masyaAllah ...aku baru je masuk 32 miggu pregnant (8
months)...gelabah2 call along tp tak angkat...call my sister in law..(x
nurse)..dia advice suruh pi hospital...check up..takut uri dok bwh...so
aku bergegas ke klinik kesihatan... staff nurse scan...(dr.kursus masa tu
katanya)...tak de pape...baby ok...uri dok atas...semua ok...diaorg tak
leh detact...aku check pad....still ada darah...so aku ditolak ke
Hospital slim river...so bermula le kisah aku berkampung di
hospital...dan sejarah masa mengandungkan husna berulang lg...lg sekali
aku naik ambulans...terus ditahan di labour room..merasa le di
seluk..dikorek. ..papsmear. ..sakitnya hanya ALLAH yg mengetahui..

27 Mei 2009-
masih di tahan di wad...tp darah tak keluar lg...mak n bpk bergegas ke tg
malim dari air port...diaorg baru je balik bercuti dari Indonesia ... ambik
husna, bwk baik tg karang

28 Mei 2009-
aku dibenarkan keluar....baby aku ok...bledding dah tak de...cuma kena
refer hospital untuk check up seterusnya oleh dr pakar...cuma dr bg
pilihan sama ada aku nak operation or normal delivery...aku nak cuba
normal...tp husbang aku prefer operation... tak sanggup tgk aku sakit
bersalin lama mcm masa bersalin Husna dulu

29 Mei 2009-
berehat di rumah....baru bgtau husband...still bledding...tp aku thik
positive...tak de pape kot...panas je bdn...ptg tu, balik tg karang jumpa
Husna...rindu sangat kat dia

30 Mei 2009
duduk rumah mak...lepak2. ..ptg tu bwk husna jln2...

31 Mei 2009-
still bleEding...tp gagahkan diri berjln ke Tesco Kuala Selangor...untuk
final shopping barang baby...beli tilam kekabu untuk baby...untuk
dipadankan dgn katil baby yg aku beli dari B, still bledding...sakit2 dah
kat ari2....tp gagahkan diri untuk berjln...ptg pkl 5 bertolak balik ke
tg malim..masih sakit...

lepas drop adik aku rizal kat komuter rawang...sakit masih menyucuk
nyucuk...singgah klinik nabilah untuk scan....kepala baby dah masuk
lubang...tu yg buat aku sakit2...balik rumah, mkn2...siapka brg untuk
antar husna ke nursery....sakit kat ari2 merebak ke pinggang.... ooo...ini
dah lain mcm...aku bgtau husband, terus aku di bawa ke hospital...husna
aku tinggalkan kat rumah pengasuh dia...dan bermula le...kisah aku....

1 June 2009-
aku disuntik ubt matangkan paru2 baby...kerana, baby aku baru berusia 33
minggu 4 hari...di suntik juga ubt penahan sakit...tak bg bersalin
lg...rupanya, aku dah nak bersalin...dah buka 2 cm...dr cuba suntik ubt
kat aku, tak nak bg bersalin lg...sakitye ALLAH je yg tahu...tp demi
baby, aku tahan w'pun aku dah nangis2 masa disuntik tu...esok
pg...constraction tak kerap sangat...so aku ditolak ke wad
bersalin...menjelan g mlm..sakit tu dtg lg...makin kerap...n kerap...n
kerap....nurse check...dah buka 4 cm...makin kerap sakit...di check lg
dah buka 6 cm..terus di tolak semula ke labour room

2 June 2009-
sakit....makin sakit...n sakit....dah buka 10 cm...husband aku dtg
menemani aku...push.. ..push... .aku teringat pesan along..push masa rasa
sakit je...ALHAMDULILLAH, senang sangat bersalin yg ini...aku selamat
bersalin dan ALHAMDULILLAH. ..aku dpt baby boy...sangat comel...iras muka
imran hakim anak along aku...aku sempat susukan dia...berat dia 2.22 kg
(33 minggu)...tp dia kena di bawa ke wad Special Care Nursery (SCN) untuk
check up lebih lanjut...aku happy sangat dpt baby BOY...bukan bermaksud
aku tak suka dpt Husna, tp aku gembira...aku dpt sepasang anak....

waktu lawat tgh hari, aku sempat jenguk anak aku di wad SCN...dr
mengesahkan, anak aku kena rawatan rapi...mungkin ada masalah paru2 or
jantung...tp tak sure lg...aku cuba think positive...mungkin sbb anak aku
dilahirkan pramatang... tu sbb dr ckp mcm tu...

3 June 2009-
aku jenguk anak aku sorang2 kat wad SCN...masih berwayar...dr. pakar
kanak2 mengesahkan kat aku...yg anak aku berkemungkinan menghidap
penyakit jantung berikutan ada bunyi di dadanya...mungkin akan di refer
ke IJN untuk imbasan jantung...Ya allah...aku sangat risau n susah
hati...aku cuba untuk perah susu aku...untuk bg kat anak aku...tp belum
ada susu..aku cuba...tanpa putus asa...aku dah boleh discharge dari wad
bersalin...tp kena duduk di Wad SCN untuk menemani anak aku...atas
perbincangan bersama...suami aku memberi nama pd baby kami...Qaid
Ahmadinejad yg bermaksud-Pemimpim/ ketua yang berani menegakkan
kebatilan...

4 June 2009-
kami membawa Qaid ke IJN untuk imbasan jantung...Dr. pakar di
sana..mengesahkan yg anak kami menghidap penyakit jantung berlubang (tp
kecil) dan injap jantung tersumbat... .aku ttp tabah menghadapi dugaan
ALLAH ini..aku cuba untuk think positive..selagi ada jln, selagi tu kami
akan usaha...janji Qaid sihat...seperti kakaknye Qaisara Husna...Dr.
pakar mengesahkan 15 June ini anakku akan di tahan di IJN...untuk minor
operation

5 June 2009-
Qaid dah dibenarkan untuk terus menyusu bdn denganku...susuku pun semakin
banyak...ALHAMDULIL LAH....moga dgn susu ku ini..dpt menyihatkan tubuh bdn
Qaid...dan aku tak putus2 berdoa...

6 June 2009-
Qaid ditukarkan ke wad biasa...buka ICU lg...ini satu pembaharuan. .tp
masih dipasang ubt IV Prostaglandin iaitu sejenis ubt jantung....n aku
boleh meneruskan tugasku sebagai seorang ibu...dpt menyusukan dia seperti
biasa...

7 June 2009-
Qaid berasa selamat setiap kali aku
mendukungnya. .berzikir. ...beratib. ...makin sihat...

8 June 2009-
lagi 5 hari untuk dibawa ke IJN....5 more days my darling!!... sabar ye
sayang ibu...bertahan ye...

9 June 2009-
siang mlm aku habiskan masa di sisi Qaid...

10 June 2009-
aku rindu kat Husna...tp aku tak perlu risau...Husna dah cerdik...dah
boleh berdikari... Qaid perlukan ibu lg dekat disisinya... .kakak kena
mengalah ye sayang...

11 June 2009-
Qaid makin sihat....berak kencing normal mcm baby lain...aku menjadi
penghuni senior di wad SCN...org lain keluar masuk...aku masih ttp di
sini...tak pe...demi anakku...aku rela berpantang di hospital

12 June 2009-
mak suruh aku perah susu banyak2...tinggal untuk Qaid...pg2 suamiku dtg
ambik untuk balik..bertungku. ..mkn nasi panas...n etc...tp aku
tolak...tak sanggup tinggalkan anak aku pg2....biarlah aku tak berapa
sempurna berpantang.. ..janji aku ttp berada di sisi anakku...

13June 2009-
2 more days sayang....bertahan ye

14 June 2009-
aku sangat happy hari ni....aku esok aku akan ke IJN...balik rumah tgh
tu...packing brg

15 June 2009-
Hari yg dinanti-nantikan. ...pg lg aku dah mandi, bersiap...susukan Qaid
kenyang2..sbb aku akan bawa Qaid ke IJN...
on the way ke IJN, Dr.caroline dari Hospital SLim River telefon,
mengatakan yg nama anak aku tidak di refer ke wad IJN...bg aku ini satu
petanda...kenapa berliku liku perjalanan anakku ini...kenapa diaorg
careless menjalankan tugas....aku n suami dah uruskan pembayaran anakku
untuk di tahan di wad...17 June akan di operation... kenapa diaorg ni
teruk sangat...pasal apa susahkan anak aku...berapa lama lg anak aku akan
bertahan???? aku nangis tak tentu arah....for the 1st time semenjak anak
aku sakit...aku menangis sebegini teruk....

16 June 2009-
atas usaha Dr. Ahmad, Dr pakar kanak2 hospital slim...Qaid dpt juga di
bawa ke IJN..tp untuk check up...sama ada boleh di operation atau
tak...selepas di Check oleh Dr. Haifa(Dr pakar jantung IJN)...dia ckp
Qaid kena tunggu berat naik dulu baru diaorg confident untuk
operation... sbb Qaid masih kecil...urat2 dia masih halus...takut terkoyak
bila di operation... so aku kena bwk balik slim...untuk tunggu kg dia
naik...Dr. ahmad bantu aku n husband...dia order 1 serbuk soya n minyak
MCT oil...yg selalunye dia beri kepada baby2 untuk naikkan kg...kalau
tanpa bantuan2 semua tu...kemungkinan anak aku naik kg adalah dlm masa
sebulan....so lepas di beri beda2 tu...kg Qaid akan naik dlm masa 2
minggu...bermula le episod duka dlm hidup aku...Qaid tak dibenarkan
menyusu terus dgn aku...alasan : nanti dia penat..kg dia lambat
naik...aku kena perah susu...dan anak aku diberi minum melalui
tiub...sangat sedih sbb dia mencari2 susu aku...aku cuba juga untuk bg
curi2....tp tiub tu menyebabkan dia tak selesa...

17 June 2009-
masih meneruskan usaha memerah susu untuk Qaid...aku kena sediakan 42 cc
susu aku...every 3 hours...

18 June 2009-
susu untuk Qaid dinaikkan ke 44 cc...tanpa Qaid breast feed
dgnku...susuku tak berapa banyak keluar...sangat buat aku susah hati

19 June 2009-
berat Qaid naik ke 2.395 kg...ALHAMDULILLAH

20 June 2009-
susu untuk Qaid dinaikkan ke 48 cc...Ya ALLAH...permudahkan lah urusan
kami...perbanyakkan le susu ku..demi kesihatan anak ku Ya ALLAH!!!

21 June 2009-
susu untuk Qaid dinaikkan ke 50 cc...aku cuba minum air banyak....mkn
lobak putih...minum susu anmum...minum sangat banyak...takkisah kalau
urat aku kembang atau perut aku buncit...demi Qaid...aku rela...Demi
kesihata anakku

22 June 2009-
masih di Wad SCN...menemani annakku...makin tembam...makin chubby...pg ni
bila ditimbang berat....berat Qaid naik ke 2.44
kg....alhamdulillah ...Qaid.. .bertahan ye...4 kg lg sayang...

23 June 2009-
susu Qaid dinaikkan ke 55 cc bersamaan 2 auns...aku tak putus asa..terus
memerah susu setiap 3 jam sekali...demi annakku...Qaid Ahmadinejad

24 June 2009-
pg ni, Qaid masih aktif mcm biasa....nangis bila disalin pampers...tp dia
mmg baik..tak banyak ragam...tak kuat nangis mcm baby lain...senang
jaga..senang bersalin...

11.30 pg- aku baru perah susu Qaid...tgh tunggu nak bg susu...tiba2, SP02
(deyutan nadi) dia menjunam dari 90 lebih ke 5..aku jerit panggil staff
nurse....terus refer dr....dr buat CPR pada annak ku yg masih kecil
ini...terus dia nangis mcm biasa....

tgh hari tu, Qaid di masukkan ke ICU baby....katil mula2 dia
lahir...untuk pemerhatian rapi...

aku dimaklumkan oleh Dr., sekali lg perkara ni terjadi masa aku mkn
tgh...dan dr buat CPR lg pd anakku...dan mereka mengambil keputusan untuk
memakaikan Qaid oksigen untuk bantuan bila dia berhenti bernafas lg...aku
sangat risau..Ya ALLAH...selamatkan lah ANAKKU...jauhi le dia dari
bahaya...sembuhkan lah anakku ya ALLAH

ptg tu perkara ni jadi lg buat kali ke 3...3 kali mereka membuat CPR ke
atas anakku...

25 June 2009-
aku tak nak tinggalkan Qaid...tp staff nurse suruh aku rehat...suruh
tido..diaorg ada tunggu Qaid katanya...aku pun tido di bilik sebelah
anakku...menjelang pkl 3 pg, nurse kejut aku...bgtau suruh perah susu...n
di maklumkan perkara siang td jd lg sekali...dah aku tak tido terus
bermula pkl 3 pg itu...untuk menemani anakku....aku takut perkara tu
terjadi lg...aku dimaklumkan oleh dr., CPR dah diber sebanyak 4 kali
untuk anakku...dan itu tak bagus untuk seorang baby...jika dia survive
pun...katanya, kemungkinan dia akan cacat...sbb oksigen dia kurang...dia
tak lawan...dia bergantung pg oksigen tu..aku risau...sangat risau

pkl 8 pg-
perut Qaid membesar...dr mengesahkan ada kuman di perutnya...tak tau
punca dari mana...aku bingung...kenapa tidak terjadi pd baby2 org
lain..kenapa anakku....Qaid sakit jantung...kenapa tak jd kat baby2 yg
sihat2 yg lain...kenapa mesti anakku yg kena..Qaid di suruh
berpuasa...tak dibenarkan menyusu..masuk 2 hari aku tak dengar suaranya
semenjak di pakaikan tiub oksigen itu...ya ALLAH...ujian apakah yg KAU
uji terhadapku.. ..adakah kerana dosa2ku yg lalu perkara ni di uji ke
atasku..kenapa mesti anakku yg menjadi mangsa??kenapa ya ALLAH....Qaid
menangis tak dengar suara...tp hanya air mata yg keluar yg sangat
menghibakan hati ku....

menjelang ptg..aku minta untuk balik kerumah sebentar...untuk rest, pkl
8, dr caroline call...suruh aku n husband ke hospital segera...

kami disahkan yg tekanan darah anak sangat rendah....sebarang kemungkinan
bakal berlaku...dan kami di benarkan duduk menemani anak kami...masuk 2
mlm aku tak tido ...aku sangat takut...takut dia pergi tanpa ibunya di
sisi....Qaid. .bertahan nak...bertahan sayang...ibu ada teman Qaid...

26 June 2009-
pg Jumaat....aku tak tido semalaman, menemani Qaid...aku sangat takut
dengan sebarang kemungkinan yg bakal berlaku...aku tak mkn, tak
mandi...terus menemani Qaid...sampaikan kwn2 yg dtg menjenguk kami di wad
itu pun aku tak pedulikan..aku tak nak berganjak walaupun sekejap...aku
takut Qaid pergi meninggalkan aku bila aku tak de disisinya... aku nak
sentiasa menemani anakku...puas di pujuk oleh suamiku untuk berehat
sebentar, tp aku tak peduli...aku tak nak...

menjelang tgh hari, Dr. Caroline memberitahu kami...anak kami sangat
lemah...bergantung sepenuhnya pd mesin oksigen..dia tak fight langsung
katanya...dlm hatiku..mcm mana dia nak fight, kalau di cucuk ubat
bergelen gelen...babyku pramatang... masih dlm hari..mana dia mampu n
sanggup menanggung bergitu banyak antibiotik yg masuk ke bdnnya...even
org tua sekali pun tak sanggup terima...babyku masih kecil..antibody dia
sangat lemah!!!!Dr caroline berkata..."BERSIAP SEDIA DGN SEBARANG PERKARA
YG BAKAL BERLAKU....KAMI CUBA SELAGI TERMAMPU, EVEN QAID SURVIVE PUN,
KEMUNGKINAN DIA MENGALAMI KECACATAN... aku tak kisah, cacat ke...sumbing
ke walau mcm mana pun anakku alami, aku terima...aku bela dia...aku tak
sanggup dia tinggalkan aku...

tp aku tak nak tunjuk kesedihan aku depan suamiku, aku hanya mampu
berkata pd suamiku 'BANG, APA PUN YG BAKAL TERJADI..KITA REDHA"...w'pun
mulutku berkata bergitu...hati ku menafikannya. ...Qaid.. bertahan
nak...ibu ada teman Qaid

bpk dan ibuku dtg melawat...membawa bekalan untukku, airmata ku tak mampu
bertahan.... aku nangis sepuas puasnya...aku meluahkan apa y terpendam di
hatiku pd kedua org tuaku...ibuku hanya menasihatiku,
berdoa...berdoa. ..pelbagai surah diberi utukku lafazkan di ubun2
anakku...di telinga anakku...bpkku berkata, sabar...ini dugaan
allah...alah nak uji awak...even anak awak cacat sekali pun, kalau awak
dan azrol tak mampu nak bela, kami sanggup bela....beri pd kami...bpk,
mak...mulia sungguh hatimu....

aku ttp menunggu...dan menunggu di sisi anakku...sayang, ibu ada di
tepimu..menemani Qaid...Qaid jgn bimbang...ibu ada...Qaid jgn takut...ibu
teman Qaid...tp hati seorang ibu, tak sanggup tgk anaknya di perlakukan
sedemikian rupa..diinject sana sini....tak cukup kaki tangan, betisnya
pula di cucuk...di ambil darah..Dr.ckp, puan, darah anak puan tak
cukup....aku rela mereka menambah darahku....ambil le sebanyak
mana...asalkan anakku selamat...

ptg, Dr. pakar kanak2 dtg menjenguk... dia memaklumkan pd kami...kuman itu
dah merebak ke ginjal anakku...anakku tak kencing..tak berak..perut makin
membesar...kulit makin menipis..merah2 dah ketara di bahagian perut...ya
allah....aku bermohon kepadamu...aku REDHA kau ambil nyawa anakku..jg lah
di biarkan anakku di seksa sedemikian rupa...jika ada kesalahan ku,
kesalahan suamiku...biarlah kami yg menanggung dosa yg kami
lakukan...tetapi jgn le anakku yg menjadi mangsa...aku bagaikan hilang
pedoman....hilang kewarasan... pabila melihat anakku sedemikian rupa...

Dr. pakar membuat keputusan untuk di adakan minor operation untuk menebuk
sedikit lubang di perut anakku...untuk melihat sama ada ususnya telah
pecah (yg mengakibatkan perutnya membesar) atau asid...atau dpt
mengurangkan kekembungan bayiku itu...

aku terus berada di sisi Qaid...membaca ayat2 suci, pelbagai doa...untuk
kekuatan anakku...aku menjadi kuat semangat, berfikiran positif..yg
anakku bakal sihat kembali..selagi ada cara...selagi tu aku terus
berfikiran positif..aku tahu anakku kuat...jika ibunya kuat...air susu yg
mengalir pd anaknya membuatkan anaknya menjadi kuat...aku terus berada di
sisi Qaid, dia memberi respond padaku...kakinya diangkat-angkat. .aku
terus mengusap pipinya...aku lihat airmatanya mengalir...matanya
terbuka...rupanya dia menangis...aku usap lg pipinya..mulutnye bergerak
gerak...rupanya anakku lapar..dia nak susu...bila ku suarakan pd
nurse...Dr. tak bg, anakku kena puasa...sedihnya la hatiku..hibanya
rasa...Qaid. ..ibu tak berdaya sayang....adik sakit...kalau ibu bg
juga...nanti perut adik tak leh menerima...ibu tak mampu sayang...

menjelang mlm...pkl 10.30, sebelum Dr. Ahmad dtg, anakku putus nafas
sekali lagi...Dr. Sumi membuat CPR pada anakku...aku terus keluar dari
wad NICU itu kerana tak sanggup melihat...sedangkan org tua pun di buat
CPR kita rasa sakit..inipula baby kecil...dlm hari..masih dlm pantang..ya
ALLAH...berilah kekuatan pd ku...suamiku terus membaca yassin di sisi
anakku...jantungnya semakin lemah..tekanan darah mula tak stabil...CPR yg
di lakukan kali ini...begitu lama di bandingkan dari hari2 sebelum
ini...bila keadaan dah stabil, Dr. Ahmad terus membuat minor operation pd
anakku...kemudian. .setelah selesai, dr. ahmad menunjukkan pd
suamiku...bahawa. ..usus anakku elok, yg keluar hanya darah dan air
sahaja...aku bersyukur... bersyukur kerana tiada apa2 yg berlaku pd organ
anakku...

selepas Dr. Ahmad membuat minor operation pada anakku...anakku putus
nafas sekali lg...Dr. Ahmad dan Dr2. yg lain terus membuat CPR pada
anakku..aku tak masuk ke bilik itu...tp terus melihat dari
luar...kemudian, dr. sumi dtg kepadaku...MAK. ..TAK NAK MASUK KE
TGK??...aku ckp...nanti Dr., saya tak sanggup tgk anak saya dilakukan mcm
tu...tak sampai hati...

kemudian...aku lihat, suamiku menangis...menangis tak henti henti...aku
terus berlari ke arah suamiku...kemudian aku duduk di sisinya...Dr. Ahmad
dtg kepadaku...dia ckp, KITA DAH BUAT CPR PD BABY SEBANYAK 6 KALI...TAK
ELOK UNTUK BABY, DIA SEMAKIN LEMAH...KITA CUBA SEDAYA UPAYA...TP DIA TAK
RESPOND...IBU BOLEH CUCI TANGAN...DUDUK DEKAT ANAK...BOLEH PEGANG
DIA...aku terus membasuh tanganku...dan aku ttp mengatakan pd
suamiku...BANG, KITA REDHA...REDHA DGN UJIAN ALLAH...kemudian, aku terus
pergi pada Qaid....mencium dia tanpa henti...melafazkan kalimah syahadah
padanya...membaca ayat2 lazim pdnya...membaca doa nabi yunus
pdnya...kemudian. .aku tgk Dr. terus menanggalkan mesin dan wayar2 yg
melekat di bdnnya...kenapa Dr???Dr. ahmad terus menggeleng.. .Ya
ALLAH....Qaid. ..anak ibu, kenapa tinggalkan ibu..ibu tak sanggup
nakkkk....aku seperti hilang akal...hilang kewarasan aku....Qaid. ...ibu
sayang Qaid...kena tinggalkan ibu sorang2..ibu tak sanggup
nak...Qaid.. kenapa kuman tu kena kat Qaid..kenapa tak pd budak2 lain yg
sihat2...anak ibu sakit jantung...kenapa anak ibu yg kena...Ya
ALLAH.....kenapa ambil anakku dari ku..kenapa tak ambil aku
sekali???Qaid. ........

aku terus pengsan....lemah. ...adakah ini hanya mimpi...adakah ini hanya
gurauan semata mata...Ya ALLAH....berat sungguh ujian mu ini....aku tak
mampu untuk berkata apa..hanya air mata yg mengalir tanpa henti...berat
sungguh ujianmu ini ya ALLAH...berilah aku kekuatan ya ALLAH...

suamiku mula menelefon ahli2 keluarga kami...memberitahu ttg berita pahit
ini...ramai yg cuba menghubungi ku...tp aku begitu lemah untuk
menjawab..terlalu pahit dugaan ini...ibu mana yg sanggup berpisah dengan
anaknya...tiada sapa yg mampu berada di tempatku ini..

menjelang pkl 1.30 pg..kakak iparku (kak ida) dan abg wan sampai...aku
terus terusan menangis...tak sanggup rasanya menerima hakikat
ini...adakah aku bermimpi...atau ini hanya mainan tidurku...ku cubit
cubit lenganku..ku ketuk ketuk kepalaku...betulkah semua
ini...ya...hakikatn ya mmg benar....ini adalah realiti..bukan mimpi...aku
harus menerima dugaan ini dengan tabah...tp aku menafikan... aku
redha....tp aku tak sanggup meniti hari-hari berpantang aku tanpa Qaid di
sisi..mcm mana keadaanku nanti..ya allah...kuatkanlah semangatku.. aku
begitu lemah sekali...

Jenazah Qaid dikafankan di hospital...sebelum kami berangkat ke rumah
mayat, aku dibenarkan untuk melihat jenazah anakku...Ya ALLAH...anakku
seperti tidur...senyuman dibibirnya.. ..begitu comel wajah anakku..begitu
tenang sekali dia pergi dijemput ilahi...Ya ALLAH...besarnya rahmatmu
ini...aku bersyukur... anakku pergi meninggalkan aku...aku sayang
padanya...tetapi ALLAH lg menyayangi nye...aku tak perlu khuatir...Qaid
akan dijaga oleh ALLAH..walaupun aku tak sanggup menerima dugaan
ini...aku REDHA Qaid pergi...aku cium..cium.. cium jenazah anakku tanpa
henti...

sebelum kami berangkat dari wad SCN...aku peluk rakan2 kenalanku di wad
itu...moga dugaan yg menimpaku ini..dijadikan sebagai kekuatan diri
mereka agar jgn mengeluh menjaga anak mereka yg sedang sakit di wad
itu...sempat aku berpesan...kuatkan lah semangat korang...aku tak pernah
berputus asa berusaha menyembuhkan anakku Qaid...sehingga nyawanya di
jemput ALLAH...aku kuatkan semangatku.. .dari mula aku menerima berita
Qaid sakit...sampai le ke hujung nyawanya...aku tak pernah mengabaikan
dirinya...meninggal kan dirinya kesorangan.. .jdkanlah kisah aku sebagai
kekuatan korang....

ku lihat..semua staff nurse menangis...dr. sumi pun begitu..aku ucapkan
terima kasih di atas layanan mereka sepanjang aku dan Qaid berada di
bawah jagaan mereka..

ku turut anakku sehingga ke rumah mayat...di mandikan
jenazah...dikafanka n..semua dilakukan oleh suamiku....aku begitu
lemah...adik2ku menangis tersedu sedu kesedihan pabila melihat jenazah
sekecil itu...begitu suci...tersenyum. ..putih bersih...ya ALLAH...berilah
kekuatan ke atas ku....rahmatilah pemergian anakku ini ya ALLAH

menjelang pkl 2 pagi...kami sampai di rumah...mak dan mak mertuaku, adik2
iparku telah menyiapkan segala kelengkapan. ..jenazah anakku diletakkan di
atas tilam kekabu yg ku beli khas untuknya...untuk dipadankan dengan
katil baby yg kubeli dari B, sayu hatiku....sayu sangat...melihat segala
pakaiannya.. kelengkapannya. ..yg tak pernah di usik..dipakai lg...mcm mana
agaknya diriku nanti...mengadap segala brg2 keperluan Qaid...mak
menangis...begitu juga mertuaku...aku begitu lemah...aku baring di
sebelah anakku Husna...ku peluk anakku...husna, hanya tinggal husna
sebagai kekuatan ibu meneruskan kehidupan ibu...husna jd anak yg baik
ye...adik husna dah takde...husna tak sempat tgk Qaid...hibanya rasa
hatiku ya allah...

along sampai, terus mengurut bdnku...urut kepala ku..urut
kakiku...kemudian, dia menyertai ahli keluarga yg lain..mengaji untuk
jenazah anakku...

suamiku membuat keputusan untuk menyemadikan jenazah anak kami di tanjung
karang...bpk menguruskan segala keperluan di tg karang dengan wak
leman...kemudian, mak, ajip, ijal along n family meneruskan perjalanan ke
tg karang...aku dan yg lain2 akan bertolak selepas subuh...menunggu ahli
keluarga suamiku dari kedah..

sesudah subuh, kami bersiap..hatiku pilu..hiba.. .pabila merasa susuku
bengkak..bengkak sangat...ya ALLAH...Qaid haus....Qaid nak susu...aku
memerah susuku tanpa bantuan pam, begitu banyak susu ini...tapi aku
ralat...Qaid tak sempat menyusu buat kali terakhir...hiba sungguh
hatiku...ibu mertua ku memelukku n menenangkan hatiku...aku pilu..pilu
bila melihat jenazah anakku di hadapan mataku...betul. .ini bukan
mimpi..tp kenyataan..aku harus hadapi...husna bangun dari tidur,
eh...adik dah balik....eh adik tidur???kakak. ....adik kakak dah tak
de...terlalu pahit air liurku untuk memberitahu husna bahawa adiknya
telah di jemput ilahi...paham kah dia ttg kehilangan adiknya??

kemudian...selepas subuh, selepas kehadiran jiran2 tetanggaku melihat
jenazah....kami bertolak ke tg karang...sedih hatiku bila melihat
satu-satunya kawanku dtg...B, anak aku dah takde...anak aku dah dijemput
ilahi...tinggal aku sorang b....B peluk aku, menenangkan
hatiku....sabar. ..sabar jie...ni semua dugaan allah...ko beruntung sbb
ada anak kau yg menunggu ko di syurga nanti...sedihnya hatiku menerima
hakikat ini....kemudian, dtg jiranku yg paling rapat denganku..kak mas,
aku peluk kak mas...kak mas, saya dah lama nak anak lelaki...tp sekejap
je allah pinjamkan pd saya...sabar jie...sabar. ..ini semua dugaan...air
mataku dah kering....dah kering untuk menangis lg...hati aku
pilu...hiba. sedih... tp air mataku tak mampu lg untuk keluar...

kami meneruskan perjalanan kami ke tg karang..sepanjang jln, tak
putus-putus sahabat2 n kenalan2 sms...mengucapkan takziah...antara
banyak2 sms yg aku terima...aku begitu tenang pabila membaca sms dari
ustaz nasir, rakan kerjaku di FSSK...JIE, QAID TU
KETUA...PEMIMPIN. ..INSYAALLAH, DIA AKAN MENGETUAI UJI DAN SUAMI DI SYURGA NANTI...amin. ..amin.. .ya rabbal alamin..

Sampai di tg karang...aku disambut oleh along...aku diminta berehat di
dlm bilik...mak bg aku mkn...pahit sungguh air liurku ini...aku tak mampu
menelan apa2 sahaja....aku tak mampu....kemudian, rumah ayahku ini
dipenuhi oleh ahli keluarga..kenalan. .sahabat2 handai...kemudian, aku
diminta untuk mencium jenazah Qaid buat kali terakhir.... aku berjalan ke
aras jenazah...jenazah anakku seperti tidur....aku terlupa bahawa anakku
sudah meninggalkan aku...aku cium anakku...cium tanpa henti...kemudian,
secara tiba2...aku berzikir pd jenazah Qaid...SUBHANALLAH. ..WALHAMDULILLAH ..WALAILA HAILLALLAH WALLAH HU
AKBAR...zikir yg selalu aku ratibkan pd qaid bila dia menangis...mengigau ....ya allah...anakku hidup lg..dia cuma tido..tido seperti hari2 biasa....tido selepas mandi..selepas di beri susu...ya
ALLAH...jgn ambil anakku....Qaid, ibu sayang Qaid..jgn tinggal kan ibu
nak..mcm mana keadaan ibu nanti tanpa Qaid....Qaidddddddd dddddddddd. ....

jenazah anakku di kebumikan di sebelah kubur arwah opah....betul2 di tepi
kubur arwah opah...aku bersyukur... .sekurang kurangnya Qaid tak
sendiri...nyang ada menemani Qaid..

Ya ALLAH, Aku REDHA di atas ujianmu ini...Aku REDHA ya ALLAH...kau
limpahilah rahmatmu ke atas roh anakku ya ALLAH...lindungilah Qaid ya
ALLAH....jagalah Qaid di sana ya ALLAH...lindungilah dirinya ya
ALLAH...berilah kekuatan ke atasku ya ALLAH...aku masih ada husna dan
suamiku, tetapi Qaid sorang2 di sana ya ALLAH...temanilah anakku ya
ALLAH....jgn dibiarkan dirinya kesorang ya ALLAH...selama ini aku tak
pernah biarkan dirinya kesorangan.. ..aku REDHA ya ALLAH...aku
REDHA....kerana kau lebih menyayangi anakku dariku...

Qaid, ibu sayang Qaid...sayang sangat kat Qaid..w'pun Qaid hanya
dipinjamkan sekejap kepada ibu...tp ibu bertuah sangat..dpt susukan Qaid,
jaga Qaid siang dan malam...cium Qaid tanpa henti...bacakan surah,
ayat-ayat lazim, doa dan zikir tanpa henti pada Qaid...Qaidlah anugerah
yg amat berharga pada ibu..w'pun hadirmu hanya sekejap nak...tp Qaidlah
anugerah yg tak ternilai dari ALLAH untuk ibu...tunggu ibu di syurga ya
nak..doakan ibu kuat, kuat mengharungi hari2 pantang ibu tanpa
Qaid...kesian kat kak husna nak...terbiar tanpa kasih ibu..bukan ibu tak
sayang pd kakak...tp ibu lemah...lemah dengan kehilangan Qaid...doakan
ibu ye nak...doakan ibu..semoga ibu kuat...ibu takkan lupakan Qaid...ibu
akan sentiasa mendoakan Qaid...begitu juga abah...kehilangan Qaid
merupakan satu tamparan pada ibu dan abah...ibu ingat ibu lg kuat dari
abah...tp rupanya ibu sangat lemah menerima berita ini....

Qaid...hadirmu adalah anugerah ALLAH yg tak ternilai pd ibu nak....ibu
sayang Qaid...ibu halalkan susu ibu...ibu minta maaf kalau selama ini
jagaan ibu pada Qaid tidak sempurna nak...ibu sayang Qaid...

QAID AHMADINEJAD 2 JUN - 26 JUN 2009-IN LOVING MEMORY

ibu, abah dan kakak husna sayang Qaid...

Ok, tolong bagitau saya yang awak tidak menangis membaca ini.. saya telahpun bercurahan airmata di dalam ofisku. tiada lagi segan, tapi kasihan pada si ibu...

190: WHATS HAPPENING TO THIS WORLD??

2010-02-09T13:41:00.002+08:00

forgive me, but i believe that its time for me to pause on blogging about me and start on what others around me are going through. i came across this article of the late Nurul Hanis Kamil who was brutally raped, sodomised and murdered. saddening. what was worst was that her father found her semi-naked body. i could never imagine how he felt that moment.

saddening part is that its becoming more and more frequent (these types of deaths) and us women are no longer safe. anywhere. no wonder its hard to be an independant women nowadays.

reminds me of the dock brief case i got to read about last year. my close friend was mitigating this case. the boy (accused) was aroun 12-ish years old and the mother runs a kindegarden. one day, she asked her son to help take one little girl to the toilet. true enough he did. not only that. he took off her panties, and put his -toot- into her -toot-. the girl was only 5 years old. turns out, he was motivated to do such after watching porn with this friend.

when you look at this boy, you would never believe that he would do such an act. skinny, short wearing tight pants and a kopiah with a clean shirt, would fool the judge anyday. apparently, the judge did sentence him, but only to go to a special school. no points for guessing what school. its as clear as it gets.

so, what is to become of this world?

W2 with PICS

2010-02-07T22:44:00.005+08:00

finally, i owe u guys these..
but this is only the w2..

*ok, too small, will make it big next time..

and this is my cousin in perak, last two weeks..

CONGRATS TO ARMILIA & HUBBY..

HELP NEEDED.. and a hug

2010-02-05T13:05:00.004+08:00

dear friends, family and off course midi,

there are some instances in life whereby u often ask yourself the question: do i deserve what i have now? as of right now, i would say i do.

i guess, since i have tried to treat everybody in life as equally as possible with as much love, care and affection, i had the impression that they would return the favour. but i never asked nor anticipated any of it. so my mission continues, to help, provide and comfort when necessary.

but today, i was so shocked beyond disbelief. my whole intention to stay so that i can help is now duly retracted. i no longer wish to help. at all. i really didnt know that im that stupid..im that ignorant..im that defensive.. i really thought that if that is the truth, then it shall be that. but apparently, in the corporate world, you will always be wrong. especially when youre right. the first part was off course my bad. but i do believe that i am a 'first year lawyer', thus i do not know? correct? i understand the intention, but the manner in which it was executed, burnt a hole in my heart.

perhaps you are right.. (as qouted off course)

"...i dont know how they gave you a law degree...

...thats so stupid...

...how many times must i tell you?...

...that also you cant think?..."

yes, everyone has a level of tolenrency. and my meter is almost to the top. i also dont know how i got my law degree, whereas i was so stupid, i had to redo a lot of subjects. perhaps, he is just being honest. I AM and forever will be STUPID.

so what do i do now? help me..

HAPPY....but SAD

2010-02-05T10:43:00.002+08:00

JERAWATs are popping out. their very introduction drives me crazy. and witty enough, they seem to be very clever in the places they pop up ie. the place where my glasses touch the side of my face, or even the forehead (which hurts me when i pray). so even my jerawats are trying to get on my nerves now. but their physical appearence i do not bother (its not like ive never had any). its whats they are trying to convey that bugs me. period.

i hate having periods. period. who doesnt right? but ever since my hectic/busy days between work, Masters degree and home, the pain is unberable. almost to the point of lifeless immobility. and last month was the epitome of pain. so painful, midi had to be around (and not work). or perhaps thats just his excuse for not going to work. naughty.

i envy women who dont have period pain. period. hmph. (-.-)

WOMEN POWER??

2010-02-05T10:35:00.000+08:00

Whatever u give a woman, she will make it greater.

Give her sperm, she will give u a baby.

Give her a house, she will give u a home.

Give her groceries, she will give u a meal.

Give her a smile n she will give u her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what she is given.

So if u give her crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit...

"hahahaha.. true enough.."

NOTHING IS A GUARANTEE..

2010-02-02T09:04:00.005+08:00

yesterday was Wilayah Day, and off course, both me and mids were on leave. bliss. but i had class and we didnt go anywhere. oh ya, apart from jamming at the Worldwide Centre thingy and Giant-the next day. great long weekend huh? im bursting into smiles just typing this out..

ps: dear joce_99, i deeply appreciate the advise. you helped me in such a big way. and i will definitely try what you advised me to do. and hopefully it will work out. god willing. you are truly an angel. i have not and will never give up, but if all ends fail, then i might need your help again. take care..

CINTA ITU..

2010-01-27T09:54:00.002+08:00

*pic taken from saharil.com

(please click to zoom/enlarge)

and now i miss DIDI badly, more than ever...

i also miss peggy sue, lucy and off course georgia..

ALREADY SPIT, LICK BACK

2010-01-26T10:33:00.005+08:00

okay. sungguh tidak sedap apabila diterjemahkan. tapi begitulah bunyinya. sebenarnya, saya dah sedikit bosan dengan mem-belog pasal bos jer. jadi harini, saya berfalsafah pulak. di dalam bahasa off course.

ada apa dengan tajuk? hurm. seperti yang diketahui rakyat johor dan malaysia, Sultan Johor, telah meninggal dunia pada 22hb Januari yang lepas. rakyat sedih dan keluarganya pasti lebih sedih. ternyata beliau tegas pada waktu beliau hidup dan kesannya adalah apa yang Johor menjadi sekarang.

okey. ayat biasa tu.

tentang tajuk. seperti yang ramai juga tahu, ada seorang blogger nieh, dia tulis sesuatu dalam belog dia yang agak berani. apa orang kata? got the balls? memanglah dia mempunyai sepasang bebola yang kononnya cukup berani, tapi akhirnya menyerah diri juga di balai polis. sungguh berani sang blogger itu. dan juga bebolanya.

saya tidak mahu kritik dia, (well...) dan saya juga tidak mahu berkata apa-apa mengenai Sultan. Saya tahu bahawa siapakah saya untuk berkata hina dan durja terhadap seseorang. tuhankah saya? allah kah saya? eh, sensitip tuh. nanti ada plak orang nak bakar rumah saya. setiap manusia ada kelemahan dan kekuatan masing-masing. Sultan mempunyai ketegasan dan dengan kelebihan pangkatnya, dia memastikan tugas dia sebagai ketua dijalankan dengan prihatin. blogger tu juga ada kelebihannya dari segi bebola yang berani dan juga peminat2nya yang setia. saya ada.. saya ada... saya ada saya! (T_T")

saya rasa, saya sering berkata bahawa siapakah kita untuk berkata buruk terhadap seseorang. terutamanya jika kita pon tidaklah sehebat mana, mahupun kita ni hanyalah insan kerdil. ~~berbanding dengan orang yang mempunyai pangkat dan kuasa untuk mendengar setiap perbualan kita.~~ eh? -.- maaf, salah topik.

apa2 pon, rakyat harus sedar. biarlah Sultan Johor yang dahulu tinggalkan dunia dengan aman. siapakah kita untuk menilai hidup beliau? kalau kita boleh menilai hidup beliau, maka hidup kita mestilah lagi teruk kerana mengata beliau. tidak gitu? untuk hanya beberapa tahun yang saya menetap di JB, saya bangga dengan Sultan. kerana Johor aman. Johor tidak bergolak pasal minyak, tidak berbunuh mahupun ber-demonstrasi pasal penindasan hak asasi dan Johor tidak bising pasal macam2 pasal politikus. Johor sempoi.

dan sebagai nota kaki; saya ingin menyatakan bahawa post ini adalah ikhlas dari hati saya dan tidak mengandungi apa2 ayat yang tersembunyi disebalik kata2 baik belaka. saya juga mohon pihak2 mana yang membaca, (ha, kantoi..) bahawa walaupun saya tidak suka kerjaya saya, akan tetapi mids sangat sayangkan kerjaya dia. jadi, tolong jangan saman saya. 0.o please.

tetiba teringat lagu yang kami sering nyanyi di perhimpunan sekolah setiap pagi;

teng..teng..teng..terenteng..teng..teng..

"Allah peliharakan Sultan

'Nugrahkan dia segala kehormatan

Sihat dan ria, kekal dan makmur

Luaskan kuasa, menaungkan kami

Rakyat dipimpini berzaman lagi

Dengan Merdeka bersatu hati

Allah berkati Johor

Allah selamatkan Sultan"

sekian, terima kasih. ps: need a holiday. anyone with spare enrich points? perhaps a late W present? huhuhu..

....

2010-01-20T13:53:00.004+08:00

"...for goodness sake...

...thats so stupid...

...cant u even think about that?...

...you should go back to university la..."

ps: enough crying. me want for 2010. this>> hohoho.. :'p

TAGGING ALONG

2010-01-20T10:04:00.003+08:00

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
normally? History Channel.. or any old DVD.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?

That would not be on his menu (at all)

3. What's one food he doesn't like?
all foods with visible chili :p

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order?
nescafe tarik..

5. Where did he go to high school?

i believe the nickname is SMESH, sabah.

6. What size shoe does he wear?

9ish.

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
not if, he does and it is guitars..guitars..guitars..guitars..guitars..

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
if its subway, BMT with nothing but salad and bbq sauce.

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?
eggs..maggi..eggs.. and rokok.

10. What is his favorite cereal?
kelloggs (i think), we dont really have breaksfast.

11. What would he never wear?
anything pink, anything gay-ish. or tight.

12. What is his favorite sports team?

ass-senal.. hehehe. arsenal.

13. Who did he vote for?
politics? ... dont get me started on that one.

14. Who is his best friend?
it should be me. ;')

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?
merajuk over something he did/didnt do, n cry, n then baru nak tell him what it was after dia dah pujuk like crazy.. :P

16. What is his heritage?
javanese, native, singaporean.

17. What is his favourite colour?
black,white,anything dark.

18. What is his habit?
(refer to #7)

19. What is he proud of?
owh well, thats hard. i'll have to ask him..

20. Lastly, do you think he will read this?
i dont know whether he reads my blog, but dont think so.

OT: yesterday, i had my revenge. it didnt feel sweet at all. infact, the other person didnt even notice it (i think). but im going to continue at this until this person begs me to differ. period. sorry for doing this god, but for the past month, ive suffered in silent pain. and i hope you understand.

peace.

A LIL LATE

2010-01-18T13:59:00.003+08:00

(i have 10mins to the end of lunch time..so here goes..)

i have noticed that i am a bit late in welcoming the year 2010. yes, loser. but every weekend since the 1st of jan'2010 has been hectic for me. and frankly, i just didnt have the time. so here goes, my 2009.. (pics will all be inserted when the goddammiitt streamyx decides to come to our house) :)

Jan: Shahrizat Rashid & Lee.

starting there was the best and most 'berbaloi' leap of my life. what more to say than a great experience? i made GREAT friends, learned a hell lot and i still miss (almost) everyone there..

Feb: the ACCIDENT in perak that injured us all.

till date, when i find that kbjabunchwenk a**hole, im going to ..... (too hard to describe the form of punishment)

March: tok

god took tok away that month. and i will always love and miss her deeply. :(

Apr: ... nothing much...

May: AD'LEAN & WAZY

June: FAREZ & HAIZA

July: ..so many..

i. the unforgettable once-in-a-lifetime

ii. JOE & MALLISSA

iii. the passing of the ever-so talented yasmin ahmad.

August: SARAH MUNIRAH the engagee..

Sept: ..also nothing much..

Oct: me, the engagee..

Nov: a plenty..

i. starting at Shook Lin & Bok

ii. the Long-Call

Dec: the 3 W's.. ~which i promise i will upload pics asap :)

quite a year i'd say..

PARANOIA

2010-01-13T09:54:00.004+08:00

..."korang pikirlah masak-masak, jangan jadi macam aku. ko tengok aku skrg mcmana? aku jeles dgn korang, dua2 dah kerja. pastuh boleh lepak dgn kawan2. ko pikirlah..."

sometimes, wise words are not so wise after all. its funny how in a bid to forewarn (if that is even a word) or to advise a person, u end up breaking their dreams and hopes. well. for the person who said this, u have successfully and indirectly broken my heart.

i believe in god (be it allah or tuhan, my god is the one i believe in), i really dont get the whole issue thingy going on now. eh, tiba2 plaks. anyways, i just hope that im not punished for what ive been doing before or easier said, my impatience.

but to that friend, i thank your sincerity. even if it made an impact and you ruined my night. the night that was supposedly to be SPECIAL, i understand. i guess now, i HAVE to.

smile?

POST MORTEM W (3) BATU PAHAT

2010-01-11T10:50:00.000+08:00

finally, alhamdulillah. this weekend, both me and mids had our lazy weekend (finally). both tired from three full weeks of W's, we had our retreat at the place we both love, home. but then it got boring. hehehe..

the W in batu pahat was fun indeed. a little culture shock for me though. i love village style living. the laid-backness, the atmosphere. u just gotta love it. and i had fun making bracelets, necklaces and door gifts with my new MIL and farhana and my new SIL's. but i felt a little restrained. apa2 i nak buat, mesti ada je orang marah, "..pengantin tak boleh buat kerja.." huhuhu.. saddening. no biggie though.. just that rasa boring skit. neverthless, i had fun, there was karaoke and the food.. OMG.. now thats what i call real cooking..

nways, theme was green and the whole family wore green. senang orang nak cari.

apart from that, aji is on leave for the WHOLE WEEK.. hehehehe..

still, found this online, and love it..

*classic*

and this..

*wahahhaha*

"SAYA KENA CAKAP BAHASA, SEBAB AWAK TAK FAHAM ENGLISH.."

2010-01-06T09:22:00.000+08:00

welcome peeps. sebelum DIA masuk ofis hari ini, saya nak belog sekejap. semalam hati saya diguris luka dan sebak saya terpaksa tahan hingga ke pukul 2 pagi (yakni waktu midi pulang ke rumah). baru hendak mencecah dua bulan saya berada di firma ini (baca: SLaB), sudah terasa seperti hendak cabut lari. ya tuhan, jika kamu mengenali saya, kamu akan tahu bahawa saya bukanlah seorang yang cepat putus asa mahupun mudah mengalah. sebaliknya, saya degil untuk mencuba dan degil untuk kekal. maka, begitulah situasi ini.

semalam baru saya sedar, saya rupanya tidak memahami bahasa pertama saya, iaitu bahasa inggeris. sebaliknya, kerana saya seorang 'melayu' yang berkelulusan 'universiti tempatan' saya mestilah fasih dan petah berbahasa melayu sahaja. begitu rupanya.

saya juga sedar, saya masih bodoh. saya 'incompetent' dan saya juga adalah seorang yang tidak mampu berfikir seperti seorang peguam. yelah. sedar.

saya tidak sangka saya begitu bodoh. mungkin disebabkan sudah terlalu banyak kali sangat digelar bodoh, mungkinkah saya ini benar-benar bodoh? hurm.

apa-apa pun, saya mengambil keputusan tekad pada hari ini. jika tuhan izinkan dan masih sayang pada saya, permohonan yang saya akan hantar akan dijawab. dan jika dijawab dan diterima, maka saya juga akan terima, dengan hati terbuka. tetapi jika tidak, bererti tuhan mahukan saya menjadi seorang yang tabah dan cekal. dia mahukan saya kekal disini. untuk menjadi habuan dan bahan. adoi.

hurm.

ada sesiapa yang mengenali bomoh? yang mampu menembusi si aji ni?

185: FACEBOOK & HACKERING

2010-01-05T09:31:00.000+08:00

dearly beloved friends,

a few nights before (one of the) W, i had sat around with a group of close cousins. we chatted, joked and almost got each other drunk (yang jenis mamai dan tidak mengandungi alkohol). sort of a hen night ala ala la. then they asked me, what was my biggest fear for the W, simple. when people dont come. (without an excuse off course) why? she asked. i told her, that when i was a teenager, i had no friends. constantly having to hide and even eat at any corner i can find, life overseas was not a bed-of-roses like most malays abroad would picture it to be. plus the fact i had eczema. which made me seem like some alien to these matsalleh. racism set in and there i was, on the verge of suicide countless times. whenever i regain memory of those 3/4 years, id shiver inside. the mistakes of my life.

actually, im uncertain as to why i wrote that as my facebook status, which was so not my doings. but then i got to find out. one of my cousin(s) knows my facebook account (yes, am not kidding, she personally admitted to this herself). now, both me and her dont know how to take this back. funny gone wrong i suppose. for a secondary school student, she should have more sense and maturity than the action that was taken, but hey, her Blackberry has to do something.. yes, that was her reason. and partly also that she wanted to help me upload my W pics, which i had consented to in advance. big no no to anyone after this.

rationale for this, she said she saw me crying and gloomy after the kajang W as most friends were still unseen-able. ya allah (swt). boleh tak? i was ~~crying~~ no, sad, bcos i didnt get the chance to salam mama before she left for jb.

now that nasi has gone to bubur, this will take some mending and apologies before i can make sure that everyone or most of everyone is ok again. to be ali (not frank), i really dont mind if nobody came to my W, i was just happy to be with mids. sad is off course there la. who is not. but hey, if u have wished and/or have a reason, then who am i to force you? no worries everyone. the status was SOOO not me. but a good impersonation correct?

for those yang marah and/or nak bawak mulut about this matter, then go ahead. but if you truly know me and know that i do not behave like this, then thank you. so, far, my mission of not making any foes and always making sure everyone is happy is supposed to be working. but if it is not, then i guess those 3/4 years might repeat itself.

lastly, any account of anyone is to be their owns. please do NOT share. like as i did.

much love.

184: POST MORTEM W (2) KAJANG

2009-12-29T15:52:00.000+08:00

its my day in the office today, and im hell as tired from doing nothing. aji is on holidays and im thankful to god. lunch today was bought to you by hadi and gossip session with them (read: shikin, hadi n alwani) was a great way for me to unwind before i meet up with aji tomorrow. after all, he is my beloved (T_T"). hehehhee..

~~martial~~ eh, marital life could not any more bliss. i have a bodyguard, teddy bear, consultant, mediator, old-record-player, food n style critic, snoring machine and others all rolled into one being. but the best part is, i get to save on my phone bills, bcoz mids is always there when im in need of him.

back to the W in kajang. its for mids side. we (the girl's rombongan, inclusive of mids) in an estimation of 9 (nine) cars departed from this hotel that was slap-bang inside UNITEN (forgot the name) and made our way to kg sg ramal dalam. i loved and still love my dress to pieces (as everywhere i went i left a trail of sequins and glitter). (>.<) this time, no dewan, so it was more homie, which i love. there was karaoke, whereby farez, faz, atong, manai, bakh etc decided to make the event wet (with rain) by their ensemble of songs. hehehe.. nice attempt guys, but seriously, i was wet. then mama left me alone in mids home with his parents and siblings. (T_T) i know. scary correct? but to the contrary, i enjoyed their presence deeply. ita had a fun, chirpy nature to her. farhana was polite, nice and friendly. and the rest of mids siblings' just made me feel like home. one more reception to go this coming sunday (4th). next year. then, i can finally get my house-warming plan into action. hoho. footnote: thanks to all who came to the kajang event. i love and respect all of you guys sooo much. esp: judge, izzah and others who came from far corners of malaysia. sedih betul, korang yang jauh pun boleh datang, walhal yang dekat pulak boleh lupa..

ps: i just read this, and i could not help but to share it with u all..how much purer can love get indeed?

"...but deep in my heart, all that and everything else asurrounding the wedding dont matter anymore. Guests, gifts, music.. I was so engrossed with the one beside me, mama.. It was the happiest time of mylife. Hence, if our wedding was beside a smelly flat, with just simple food, and even just 100 guests, it would still be the best day of my life. Because of mom and later come you.. :-)"

183: POST MORTEM W (1) JB

2009-12-24T11:51:00.001+08:00

"cant believe u guys are getting married.. feels like it was yesterday u guys were in SP... u guys grew up around us..."

statement was made by Hadi, in my office. i had forced him to tell me about the incident that happened in UiTM arau, perlis. for those who know, funny right? for those who dont, that was when mids told the people around him of his feelings for me. Hadi described it with full passion (as is any of mids's statements). And 6 years down the road, he is still the same loving mids i knew and fell for.

oh, forgot, this is supposed to be the postmortem of the W (1) in JB. why (1)? because, there are two more after it at every weekend. fuh. :p

nikah:

the night before, most cousins were already at my house and that evening we were assembled in my mothers' specifications in order to get the door gifts done for the W. alhamdulillah, all done nicely. early next morning, i awaited nurul at home. and then we went for tudung shopping with nadya, as the one's i bought did not approve to either mama or cik's standards. damn, its hard to choose a good one. throughout the whole day, midi kept calling me; mostly to ask what i was doing and how i was, but i knew he was nervous. so cute.

my mak andam came after maghrib nicely and as im used to her ways, we went straight to business. around 9ish, tok kadi came and then followed by mids and his family.

the tok kadi was nice, made jokes and all. when it was time for the lafaz, midi said it nicely, full and asthough he had rehearsed it. but he miss-said just one line. then he went for another try. im proud of him nevertheless.

then the whole family ate, we took pictures (which i will update soon) and mids went back for the reception the next day.

the reception:

woke up quite late and waited impatiently for the mak andam to arrive. then had to wait for my bridesmaids to come. *i love them all, they looked as beautiful as angels that day* arrived at the dewan, and it rained. thankfully, it was a passing cloud and soon it became bright and sunny again. my pengapits were fazs & kak mas. both beautiful and outshined the bride and groom as they are both taller than us.

all in all, the food was yummy (makyam catering), the deco was beautiful and the planning went well (kak sue & family from jendela.impian.mempelai), my photog's were fab (razak latif & i believe kak sue's hubby), the make-up rocked, the friends for coming from afar (esp Suzn, all the way from Alor Setar), the family for the endless support physically and mentally, the funny MC (jais), the melodic band (curtesy of Uncle Zahib), the kompang of UTM, cards and banners by Anas (GedungKadKahwin), my two angelic flower girls (thanks new-mummy-auntie intan & my other neighbour) and any others i have not mentioned yet.. trust me, im still a little elated to remember everyone.

but off course, without my new mama, apak, extended family, and my own mama, abah and extended family, all these would never be possible.

ps: i designed my own wedding dress and pimped it myself. dont need no JM...wahahahaha.. :D

'SEPERTI' INGIN BUNUH DIRI

2009-12-17T11:21:00.000+08:00

kehadapan belogku yang tercinta,

ya, saya tengah berkerja sekarang, tapi jika beloggers lain boleh. maka saya tidak terkecuali. ya tidak?

saya nak buat pengakuan. hingga kini (yakni pukul 11:22pagi) saya yakin diri saya teramatlah bodoh. saya rasa diri saya ini seorang yang memang tidak patut hidup lagi di muka bumi. saya adalah seorang yang bodoh. kamu percaya kepada 'karma'? apa yek dalam bahasa? ntahla. mungkin nasib saya sudah baik untuk waktu yang agak lama, dan sekarang tiba masanya untuk saya menerima 'hujung kayu yang berlainan' (the other end of the stick).

ya, aji telah memanggil saya ke kamar beliau. seperti biasalah kan? dan ya, dia menasihati saya (read: memberitahu dengan cara memarahi). lantas saya terasa bodoh.

boleh saya berikan suatu contoh? tak boleh? peduli apa, nak beritahu jugak. jika asalnya kamu bukan dari tempat itu, adakah ia wajar yang kamu ARIF mengenai tatacara dll di situ? jawab. ok, jika anda juga masih bukan asalnya dari tempat itu, adakah wajar anda patut sudah mendapat kesemua seperti orang lain yang telah lama berada di situ? jawab, jawab. mestilah tidak kan? jadi anda faham kenapa saya ini seorang yang bodoh.

seperti seekor lembu; makan pun salah, apatah lagi kalau tidak makan. maka, turut serta diaplikasikan disini.

ya, mereka semua telahpun menasihati saya berkenaan dengan perangai aji tu, tapi apakan daya, saya degil untuk mencuba. saya degil untuk mencuba sesuatu yang baru dan saya degil untuk terus kekal walaupun digelar bodoh. ya, bodoh.

sepanjang bulan ini, saya mendapat tidak kurang daripada kasih sayang, belaian dan kemesraan daripada semua yang berada di sekeliling saya. dan saya sungguh bersyukur. tapi seperti semua yang indah, akan ada sahaja yang tidak kekal. maka, kebodohan saya yang terlampau ini pun jelas kelihatan. sungguh sedih. apakan daya. bukan saja aji ini yang meronta, malah aji disana juga turut mengusutkan keadaan. hai, apalah dengan lelaki di sekitar saya ini? hanya dia yang masih setia kepada saya.

sebenarnya, saya kesian dengan aji, saya sedar dia seperti tidak gembira dengan diri sendiri. maka, bagi dia, seluruh dunia tidak mencukupi. dan saya sedar bahawa walaupun saya bukan alim, tapi saya akan berdoa juga untuk kesejahteraannya, walaupun dia bukan islam.

sudahla, saya dah tidak larat lagi nak merungut mengenainya. biarlah dia dengan caranya. dan demi dia, saya sanggup berubah. saya kan bodoh.

181: SLEEPy..

2009-12-15T09:37:00.000+08:00

today is not a particularly good day. i woke up with runny eyes (no, they did not run, they are wet) perhaps today they wanted to feel a little emotional. alhamdulillah all is well, so far. and before pak haji aka boss summons me to his room for our daily one sided critique, i would love to do what makes me happy, blogging.

nothing pleases me more than the delight of having to blog. rational? none. logic? also none. but who cares for all that.

i notice now how deeply depressing i am without that person. coming home to no one and/or nothing is not a healthy way to live. with the exception of didi (whom has expressly stated his anger towards midi..hehehe), who bugs me for love and affection after a hard day at work, i prefer to sleep and wake up again the next day, work, sleep, wake up again......

is this how life is going to be like after this? damn.. i need a lepak partner. asap. one that can listen and assist with any gossip or rants. owh wait, i am getting that friend soon.. real soon.

in terms of the W, now is a fairly good time to panic. aha. panic to the extent of silence.

perhaps today is not a good day. yup.. i believe it isnt.. no wonder i feel so.... and to top it all up, pak aji wants to see me.. well pak aji, BRING IT ON..

see u later aligator.. :)

180: SUPRISE 2

2009-12-11T00:21:00.001+08:00

no lah, not a suprise. but a great night with great friends.. love u guys..

178: SUPRISE..

2009-12-05T01:24:00.000+08:00

initially, nurul stated that it was just a dinner between friends. so i stayed at the office before i went there. the saddening part was, i went to Bangsar Village instead of Bsc. hehehehe.. total embarassment. and when i finally arrived there, i forgot where Alexis was, so i had to wait for nana to fetch me.

in the restaurant, there they were. with orange, silver and white balloons and camera's a-ready. i seriously did not expect a suprise from them at all. i thought it was just a dinner. but i DO have fabulous friends.

the pre-wedding gift.. guess what?

a little taste of heaven..

my chicken..

we laughed, we talked, we joked.. exactly how i missed it so much.. i had so much fun. thank you all who came and participated.. (gee, aimy, zaza, titi, shanee, cindy, fisha, ady, nana & nurule) but off course special THANKS to nana & nurul as organisers.. i love u all so much..

this truly touched my heart. and i could never ever repay any of you for tonight.. but for those coming up (u know who u r..).. watch out bebeh..

IM SORRY.. I GIVE UP, I DONT THINK I CAN DO IT..

2009-12-02T16:12:00.000+08:00

controversial correct? well dont be. topic is a mere attention grabber (i believe there is a term for it?)

actually, i have quite a lot to do, but being me, i procastinate fairly ie. frequently. i believe one works better when they are stressed. i chose to blog today so that i can leave my blogging activities alone until the end of the W. but everyone knows that i cant do that, correct? the feeling is just irresistable. its like hot chocolate, like rain, like the sea, like cute little kittens, like..like.. (stopping now).

i have fairly alot to do in terms of the W. but i really dont like to loathe about it. let me emphasise... LOATHE.. everyone who knows me, knows how mids and i are minimalists and that we do not believe in the whole 'WEDDING OF THE YEAR' theory. what matters to me are friends, family and the odd people.. so, i seriously do not get the whole panic, stress, trauma thing that is associated with W's. yes, i do have a W planner, whom i greatly admire for being extra efficient thus, many people say "no wonder lah u releks.." HELLO.. i also have things to think about too ok? example. i dont know if most of the b2b (brides-to-be) notice this or not, but money does not fall from the sky. the W of your dreams require M-O-N-E-Y.. and i seriously do not get how some b2b's spend asthough they are millionaires, at what age? roughly around my age.. (im still young ok!!) and yes, you end up not working in the end after giving the excuse of a bloated belly.. correct?

i know..i know.. (and no, im not referring to anyone, this is so general) but hey, doesnt reality just slap you in the freaking face? another example. i ~~was~~ am still deeply hurt by that pussy wannabe JM. eventhough he didnt shout nor scream, but it was enough to leave me n mids silent. then, i told a fellow blogger b2b (whom is now a m2b- mother to be) about my incident and she said "..dia mmg nak yg kaya-kaya jer..kalau u pakai selipar n jeans burok mmg lah dia ckp mcmtuh.." O.o owh, like that huh? so, next time (whenever that is) i'll borrow someones gown just to go into his shop. noted.

i dont know the purpose behind this post. i guess im just a bit tired. and that im vulnerable at this time. im also feeling a tad pinch of guilt. just a tad. i guess i just dont like how some people think im rich and can afford to not think about the W. but hey, remind me again? whats the 'rukun nikah'? and the REAL meaning/definition of marriage?

ok then.. will fall off cliff now.. tata.

176: APOLOGETIC MOVE #2

2009-11-30T16:10:00.000+08:00

dear god,

i know that i have not been an exceptionally good person to you. i know that at numerous times, i let you down with my very existence. but to forget you? never. i know i constantly moan and groan about my ill-fate with the very assumption that you would miraculously turn that ill-fate around. well, in a few instances you do such automatically via your angel, mids. and still, i have never been not thankfull to anything that you have bestowed upon me.

i can still recall the moment when in BLs i was so down that i had to resort to the very thing that mama told me not to take, as it would burden me later on. but as i was persistant, i now have to suffer from that burden of rm7000++. thankfully though, its only of that amount. i was so brutally upset with him that i had so many plans up my sleeve as a counter attack. but you also had yours. you took back the big rock that dominated both the female in my family. you ensured that it was merely a reminder of faith. and we both adhered to it.

i acknowledge the fact that you took back both tok and tokwan for the purpose of love and with the intention to not make them suffer anymore. and i thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. but i do miss them so much. too much at times.

i thank you everyday for that night that mids poured his heart out to me. the night he dazzled my finger with that circular thing. despite all the hardship you have given on me, you gave me him. and im never not satisfied with his presence. i just pray that you allow both of us to attribute back to our parents duly. and that any more boalders both of us can handle together.

but right now, im furious at him. furious with his behaviour yet again. why did you not include adult-thinking into his capacity? why is he behaving in such manner? why? its hard for me realise that the one person i wish to look up to the most, i cannot follow. its sad. and being the bearer of this attribute, you must know or even anticipate how i feel.

but still, i thank you everyday and will continue to for the rest of my life. for now, i need to ensure that this is another one of your rocks that i have to help in pushing away..

A FULL NOVEMBER

2009-11-25T00:03:00.000+08:00

*makan gaji is just so cynical.. O.0

no.. no updates as to the W. i suddenly realise how suprisingly annoying it is to tell everyone about things that i want to HAVE, that i want to BE LIKE.. just to have it ruined due to tradition, ego, standing and money. so.. no updates.

1. the office.

yes, up to today, it has been almost two weeks in SLAB (to be short). as seen in picture is my chinese tea delivered morning around 9 and after lunch. ive gotten acquianted with a few people ie. sweet andrea, alert carrie, kak nani the gamer, khadijah the chirpy operator, sherlene the bubbly OM, the-secretary-i-want-to-have-because-she-is-so-nice-to-me-suzana..and many others. i guess its just too early to speculate, but this is starting to feel fun. and those who know me will know that i just LOVE being B-U-S-Y. well.. as its not busy yet, guess will have to continue on this topic later then..

2. the fake b-day & reunion of SRL chambees.

trust tracy to make something crazy. on the 20th night, almost all the SRL chambees went for our monthly (?) eat. i guess we do frequently since there is always something to celebrate. this time i suppose it was mine and sam's long call. we went to this mexican restaurant in semantan heights opposite the cimb building landslide along jalan semantan (name cannot be recalled). it was fun, as always. and i MISS them so much.
just one thing to say to the ex-establishment; you let a rock slip away due to your ego and pride, only to realise the diamond in your hand needs more than a polish to gleam... hehehehe..

3. the call.

and on the 21st (sat.), both me and veronica made history. we were called..to the bar off course. *sam is just there to take pictures..hehehe. thanks for coming guys. even midi made it, at just the right time. above all, i was so happy mama came. even if i told her that it would be ok if she didnt come, she was persistant. and im happy to have her there, because for the few days she was around, i knew that she was safe and that i can care for her. even if i did nothing.

the call was great. as always, my stomach knew how to make a scene at a wrong time. it cost me to lose control over myself and had to be reminded by the interpreter many times. but the best day still..

APOLOGETIC MOVE

2009-11-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

(turn off music)

as much as i try to keep my blog as neutral as possible, i cant seem to help the fact that some parties are feeling a bit hostile to it. please dont be. whomever you are and whomever you thinks i am referring to, please dont. the only people(s) i refer to are either me, mids or anyone i specifically state so.. so please dont regard me as an ersatz.

ehem. apart from that, yes, less than four weekends. both me and mids are more elated about the house than we are off the W. and this is so making me feel guilty towards mama, chik, moksu, kak nonim, kak sue, ita and all the other parties involved. as always, wali shakes feet (goyang kaki). the house is the only thing i have control over.. ooppss..not complaining ok?

just that sometimes i feel like...

*thanks sisi..

otherwise than that, work is going on fine. a little slow, but everything is ok. and till now everyone still cant accept the fact that i have totally switched sides and (almost) field. what to do guys, picky people benefit less.. lets hope my sacrifice is worth it..

till then..

CHILL

2009-11-12T23:20:00.000+08:00

actually, im uncertain as of what to put for the title. but finally i settled with this one. upon entering Shook Lin & Bok ('SLB') last monday, i made it a point to chill. definitely, i was so not being myself as i did not make an effort to introduce myself to the other LA's. dont get me wrong, not intentionally off course. but i was physically trying to adjust my time. my body time. before, i could sleep at 2am and wake and 2pm, or better not sleep and not wake at all. but now, if i feel light in my pocket, i will have to wake up at 6am to catch the train. fuh.. and to my suprise for two days in a row, i met fido..

long call is 21st by the way..

many have asked me the rationale behind the facebook shoutout. simple but confidential. sorry. its just that sometimes i feel as though he does not take me as a priority. as though i do not matter. but i am wrong. even if im not, inside i feel wrong for doing such to him last week. it was so childish. (ps: this is not midi im talking about)

the ticker on the right is making me a little bit nervous. so much money and effort has been put into this event. sometimes, i miss dating, movies, our once-in-a-while fine dining and most definitely our little day trips up north.. i miss it all so much that im beginning to... (scrap that thought) but i will have him soon. and hopefully too much movies, too much dating and more and more trips.. but for the meantime.. i miss this badly..

carefree-ness..bliss..

IN PAIN

2009-11-03T00:15:00.000+08:00

this week is my last week of holiday. and i intend to fully move out of numero 616 by this thursday. but unluckily, i had to 'wave the red flag' today. ahdakhjakfyabcpfht... aha. owh yes, move out u ask?? aha.

me and hams have found a place. i guess our destiny is there after all. no matter how hard we try to run away from shah alam or go anywhere nearer to kl, we are dragged back nearby in the end. but the house IS a relief. actually, the place we had always wanted. minus the view to the left and the possibility of future cancer, i love the place. and hams being hams, we straight away went to the whole decorating of it.

so on saturday, we raided ikea like it was ours. two trolleys, one bag of 1/2 dozen currypuffs, 2 ice creams and a whole lot of hard earned (read:saved, not given by parents or any alike) spent. but the relief was there. on that day, we got for OUR house; one dining table, a BAR, sink, a few mugs, a BED and a sofa and the list can go on. but hams, im so proud of u..thank u for the beautiful kitchen.. (which i hope i can do justice to)

meanwhile, mama & abah & aiman are somewhere in china now, perusing panda bears and door gifts for the W *envy*. i keep forgetting when she is abroad, my fingers are so nimble to call her whenever i feel like talking. *sigh*

anyways, im glad that i can have a house. which is beautifully decorated and ready for us after the W. im happy and contented. and i cant wait for a housewarming...

170: POST MORTEM E

2009-10-19T18:38:00.000+08:00

i know this is long overdue. well, not really. but alhamdulillah and thank god, i am now 'safely' engaged to the man of my dreams, mr hamidi mohd noh. so, before the whole thing becomes 'old news' i guess i should update on it right??

well...

the event was on the 11 october '09 (read 11.10.09). actually i was as calm as a clam. but i got cold (frozen) feet at the worst time ever, when i was going down the stairs heading to the pelamin. damn.. feeling?? jelly knees up to the point i had to stop twice at the stairs..hehehehe..

eventhough there were not many friends and family, i really appreciate those who made it. all the way to jb some more. im deeply greatful guys.. and off course, holla to kak sue, ita & the crew from jendela impian mempelai (whom will also be doing my W). i seriously love my mini pelamin..

so, thats it. awaiting the big W now.. ps: thanks to all who gave their wishes..

TO JOHOR AND BACK

2009-10-17T23:42:00.000+08:00

CONGRATS TO

MRS LYDIANA & MR WAN HIDAYAT

part of the entourage..

a practise i thought was long gone.. the good ol' "toll system"..

just not lengkap without the third 'tak formal langsung' pic..

today was spent going back to jb. yes yes. i know i have just returned from my trip (the E) last week, but this is another must trip. my classmate was is getting married.. although MANY of our friends did not make it there, but i was glad and proud of the few who did ie; shikin, achey, fido, is, ariff, abu hassan, farez & pregnant haiza (yes, even pregnant haiza made it). but yeh, it was the school holidays, and i guess when would be a better time to get married than now? so many were engaged in other activities..

i know this might sound paranoid, but kind of freaks me out if my friends didnt or couldnt make it to my W. id be extra + super upset dude.. but midi is right .."cant force people to come sayang, but then again, u would know who are ur real friends.." f**k right??

one thing i was super excited about today was the whole 'toll' thing. true enough, i acknowlegde its existence, but today was a first for me. it made the whole event become more playful and cheerful. it added fun to the whole party. for those who dont know (dont know where u've been..) the whole 'toll' concept is almost the same as any toll. basically, before the groom can sit with his bride, he will have to please the owner of the house ie; father-of-bride, by way of bribing little kids via money or by sweet-talking the father-of-the-bride and any others (according to how many tolls were set up). get it??

still, i was happy to see nana happy. and she was gleeming and glowing in her yellow dress.. makes me anticipate more. i wish her all the best for the future to come..and i like knowing that im going to be aunty to many babies..heheheh..

ANTICIPATION

2009-10-08T12:14:00.000+08:00

well, this is going to be my last blog post that i type in SRL. after this, im bidding 'good riddance' to them all.. as cruel as that may sound, im actually sad to be leaving the people here. apart from a few, off course. the jokes we made, the gossips we circulated and off course the alliance we formed against certain parties. hehehe..

alhamdulillah, thank god, i have been lucky enough to secure a job at a prestigous firm in KL. by now, most of u would probably know what firm it is. but there is a dilemma to this, on the day i accepted the offer, i was also asked to come for an interview at another prestigous company as a legal executive. dilemma right?? fuh.. but the main thing is, im glad and grateful that god made sure im not so stressed out by the whole job thing. he wants me to concerntrate on my big W i guess..hehehe.. :p

owh ya, long call date?? 20/11/2009. hehehe..

apart from the anticipation of starting work and earning big bucks again, there is also the anticipation of this weekend. i have been amazingly laid back to the point its scaring me. sometimes when i sit down and have nothing to do, my mind all of a sudden poses me with questions such as; have i bought this? have i done that? is what i did right? help?

but no worries ladies and gentlemen, it will all run smoothly as planned. and im elated to the max. one step closer, after almost & years.. truly indeed, my 'once in a lifetime'..

W tagged

2009-09-30T00:54:00.001+08:00

(sori guys, i was tagged. and now im adhering to it..)

1. how old are you? if i tell u, id have to kill u.

2. are you single? u sure this is a W tag?? duh, not single.

3. at what age do u think u'll get married? this age.

4. do u think u'll be marrying person u're with now? i cant imagine with anyone else (apart from Brad Pitt)

5. if not, who do you want to marry? and who else would want me??

6. who will your bridesmaid? ~~still under construction, pass.~~ my beautifuls: kak mas, nana, suzanne, nurule, dayah, zureen, gee.. mwahs to them.

7. do you want garden/beach wedding or traditional wedding? dream: ao leuk beach, koh tao. reality: anything in budget.

8. where do u plan to go for honeymoon? dream: maldives. reality: japamala tioman. ;D

9. how many guest do u think u'll invite? depends on who wants to continue being our friends..(ehem.ehem)

10. will that include your exes? if they are around, why not?

11. how many layers of cake do u want? one. max two. who the hell is going to eat it nways??

12. when do u want to get married? morning or evening? i prefer evenings. but tradition and suitability says afternoon.

13. name the song/tune u would like to play at your wedding. Kasih. which i would like to sing with mids playing the guitar.. :>

14. do u prefer fine dining or just normal fork/spoon/knife? why would i want to restrain ppl and make them uncomfy?? with hands also can..

15. champange or red wine? mama wanted chateau rouge 1985, but i told her its haram. so she had to settle for my choice of cordials instead. sorry mama..

16. honeymoon after the wedding or days after? everyday after the W is a honeymoon.. :p

17. money or household items? dont worry, will post a list soon.

18. how many kids would u like to have? god is almighty. one should never doubt him and just dont stop trying..hehehe.

19. will u record your honeymoon in DVD or CD? why? thats like letting ppl into ur 'kelambu' man..

BACK TO BASICS

2009-09-30T00:21:00.000+08:00

lets admit it. typing/blogging in malay is just not my 'cup of tea' now is it? and i dont really suit the whole image, correct?

a lot has happened today. too much, i might like to add. but this morning was the 'cherry' on the ice-cream. thank u FIDO. i desperately needed to hear that other chambees are feeling the same way as me.. aaahhhh. relief. but enough of chambering.. 9 months is enough already.

an exciting event?? my last full ALLOWANCE as a chambering student as SRL. *ermmm..do tilt head to the right, i cant seem to edit it.. but there you go. the whole RM1100. my hard earned morning and evenings sweat at court everyday..im so blessed god.

raya?? fair enough. none of us had the mood for raya. the whole family purposely did not take part in the annual 'balik kampung voting' event. we missed home too much. and all the three of us wanted to do was spend time in no.20. with cici off course. raya pics?? well ok..this is what we did on raya morning..

cant u just feel the raya spirit?? hehehe..actually, we all voted to stay in jb for the first raya as we didnt seem to see the purpose of returning to kampung. as wise azzam said, "buat apa, tok dah takde..". wise indeed.. no one came and neither did we go anywhere. to me, being with everyone was enough. honestly, even if it will be my last raya with my family before i will have to divide my time just to be with them (a'ah kan??), i just didnt have the spirit for it.

so apart from fighting for the tv remote, folding my W cards (yes, i will pass them soon enough) and sleeping, raya was ok.

*midi cuts the cake, with kak siti (the baker) looking

then, on the 27th, was mids birthday. for security purposes i shall not disclose his age. the whole day was spent with his auntie (hello moksu) and cute kak nonim (heyya akak) scouring jln TAR for whatever we can to piece my dream W dress. and ladies (bi**h mode), i just found out that you didnt have to go all the way to jakarta for good cloth. there is such a thing as 'harga mak andam'..wooohooo... up to 75% discount bebeh.. any shop also can ma..

so, there you have it. will be back soon. promise..

MOLLYCUDDLE ie. DIMANJAKAN

2009-09-10T00:25:00.000+08:00

ya, saya sedar bahawa kapan hari saya telah menaip di dalam belog ini. dan hari ini saya menaip lagi. ya, dan saya masih menaip di dalam bahasa malaysia/melayu. tidak, saya belum bosan lagi dengan penggunaan bahasa sebagai perantara belog ini. maka, marilah adik-adik, kita berbicara mengenai tajuk pada hari ini. tajuknya adalah dimanjakan ataupun dimanjai. (depending on how you wish to adopt it).

sebenarnya, saya sepatutnya membaca serba sedikit mengenai undang2 perbankan untuk temu dugaku esok. tetapi ini lebih penting buat masa ini. supaya tenang sedikit mindaku untuk membaca kelak.

isu manja akan saya mengadaptasikan kedalam beberapa perkara.

(1) merujuk kepada artikel oleh mentorku, saya sayu mengenangkan nasib rakyat indonesia. secara peribadi (personally), saya sangat mengagumi budaya dan semangat mereka. mereka begitu mementingkan budaya mereka yang pelbagai itu. malahan, mereka lebih berjaya hidup diantara pelabagi kaum daripada orang malaysia. melainkan (albeit) isu-isu perbalahan agama; seperti di timor-timor dahulu, pelbagai agama masih mampu duduk bersama. samada kristian, muslim, mahupun jew.

dahulu, apabila kerjaan malaysia menyedari bahawa rakyat negera mereka memerlukan pertolongan dari segi ekonomi, pintu malaysia dibuka untuk rakyatnya memohon pekerjaan di malaysia. dan sehingga kini, ia masih dibuka walaupun bersyarat. dan rakyat malaysia memberi kepercayaan kepada mereka. ya, ada segelintir rakyat malaysia (ehem..ehem..sakit pula kerongkongku ini) yang tidak reti untuk melayan manusia dengan baik. tapi renungkanlah, 'mereka' yang biasa membuat perangai seperti ini memanglah jenis sedemikian. usah gelisah, sistem perundangan malaysia cukup ketat untuk menghukum mereka ini. saya juga turut 'meludahi' orang2 seperti ini..

jadi apa lagi yang dikehendaki oleh rakyat indonesia yang berada di sini??? passport malaysia?? walhal, ex-pat juga tidak diberikan ganjaran seperti itu. kenaikan gaji??? waduh, sedangkan rakyat malaysia yang menjadi pencuci pun memperoleh kurang daripada rm800 sebulan. cuti sehari dalam seminggu?? eh, bukankah itu sudah diberikan?

(2) sedang elok saya menanti untuk membuka puasa, gurauan manja kami dikacau oleh bunyi telefon midi..

sebelum saya mengomen (komen), saya ingin menyatakan bahawa saya tidak angkuh mahupun belagak. tetapi ingin saya nyatakan dan mengulangi apa yang saya seringkali berkata. saya tidak berapa memahami kaum wanita yang tidak reti mahupun boleh berdiri dengan sendiri. ya, saya diberi kelebihan untuk belajar berdikari oleh ibu saya. dia memastikan saya pandai hidup di kota rimba ini. tapi, susah sangatkah untuk seseorang itu mencuba? kalau diikutkan, saya juga adalah seorang anak mak dan anak ayah yang manja. saya boleh mendapat apa sahaja yang saya mahu dan saya juga pernah tinggal di kampung. tapi relevankah semua itu?? adakah kesemua itu alasan untuk menjadi seekor 'katak dibawah kereta'?? nyatakan...

mungkin saya kecewa, kerana saya tiada orang untuk bertanyakan soal2 seperti etika di dalam mahkamah ataupun susahkah mengendalikan hal2 mahkamah. mungkin juga saya sedikit iri hati. penatnya hanya tuhan yang tahu selama 5 tahun saya belajar/menelaah undang-undang hinggakan cuti pun sanggup belajar supaya saya dapat menjejakkan kaki kedalam mahkamah.. walhal, ada beberapa golongan yang tidak perlu 5 tahun itu, ataupun melalui 9 bulan di dalam kamar untuk memasuki mahkamah...peritnya tuhan.

tidak mengapa. tuhan maha adil, mungkin rezeki saya lain caranya...

mungkin betul kata ibu. "..nanti hang mesti menyesal buat chambering...ada yang takpayah buat pun lagi terer dari hang..". aduh, pedihnya realiti kehidupan.

salam, sekian dari topik "manja"...

ps: doakan kejayaan saya di temuduga esok.. :D

162: MALAYING SELF

2009-09-08T00:58:00.000+08:00

demi meraikan penghabisan waktu belajar di dalam kamarku (ie read in chambers/chambering), aku berazam untuk meneruskan penghabisan bulan september di dalam bahasa ibunda; bahasa malaysia/melayu. pada mulanya, aku berasa sedikit gementar kerana ini bukanlah bahasa yang aku biasa mendengar sekitar waktu aku membesar. bahasa inggeris menjadi pengantara di dalam rumah dan kedua ibu-bapaku menggalakkan bahasa tersebut.

sangat ganjil pada mulanya untuk mempratikkan bahasa ini ke dalam blogku ini. terasa seperti memakai seluar dalam di luar celana. namun, inilah bahasa yang patut aku menggunakan di dalam blog ini. bahasa yang diiktirafkan sebagai bahasa jiwa bangsa.

seperti hari-hari biasa, hari ini aku ke mahkamah jalan duta untuk menjalankan tugasku memohon untuk penghakiman ingkar keatas mereka yang tidak membayar hutang. sedihku rasa, seperti seorang yang berdosa besar dan tidak berperikemanusiaan (fuh..). kadang-kadang aku termenunug sendiri di luar bilik bicara dan melihat ke arah warga tua yang hadir bagi pihak anak-anak mereka yang berhutang dan tidak mampu menjelaskan hutang tersebut. wajah yang usang dan kosong seolah-olah memaki aku dengan renungan yang sayu lagi tidak berkemampuan. ternyata wajah tersebut memerli aku dengan nada yang menyatakan bahawa aku ini bukanlah seorang yang mempunyai salah satu dari sifat manusia yang terpuji. nyata sifat tersebut adalah kasihan. betapa beratnya aku rasa apabila dituduh secara tidak sengaja itu. lantas, aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk memastikan yang aku tidak berkasar bahasa mahupun angkuh dengan mereka ini. kerana mereka juga adalah manusia.

malamnya pula, kami warga alumni fakulti undang-undang berkumpul untuk membuka puasa bersama-sama di hotel uitm. begitu gembira daku dapat memeluk erat rakan-rakan yang dirindui setelah sekian lama tidak berjumpa. ternyata mereka sudah berjaya dengan pilihan masing-masing.

dan sebelum pulang ke rumah, daku bersama-sama dengan syahrul, awang, kekasihku & azwar menghabiskan sisa-sisa malam dengan riadah menyanyi dan bermain alat musik.

sekian, selamat malam. hingga jumpa lagi..

RULE OF LAW OR RULED BY LAW...

2009-09-03T17:24:00.000+08:00

now, my intelligent side seems to be ticking a little bit more than usual. and i suppose before i head back home to sleep, might as well not waste the moment of intelligence.

well. im actually a bit intrigued by the 'article' by my friend, Yohendra in the the Star today (03/09/09). he discussed the importance of SUHAKAM in the ever-growing-legally-trained-world-of-us. the downside and the good side too. so, i continued on reading the paper like anyone else would and i came by these...

1. this article, states of the mother with who as been acquitted from the charge of allegedly killing her son. let me quote a little something...

"Judicial Commisioner Mohd Yazid Mustafa ruled that the prosecution failed to prove a prima facie case against the woman and acquitted her without her defence being called.He said he had found no direct or circumstantial evidence that could link her to the murder.He noted that the person who conducted the post-mortem was never called to testify. The post-mortem report had stated that the cause of death was internal bleeding of the liver and intestine due to blunt force trauma.Welfare workers also failed to show that the accused had caused the girl’s death, he said."

hurm...i think this article speaks for itself. so, is she really innocent or ..... (do refer to the highlighted areas..)

2. the whole idea of how the "Arthur Day" (see Arthur Guiness ~ the beer) coincides with the Black Eyed Peas concert.

Actually, we should be lucky that such foreign artists such as the BEPs actually want to do a concert in Malaysia. instead of just normally in singapore. based on a human voting poll which i conducted at the office, they say that it has something to do with the beer and how muslims are not allowed to go to the concert. hurm..

does the whole Kartika case have something to do with this??? all of a sudden, malaysians are becoming EXTRA sensitive when it comes to beer? sad really. all this while muslims everywhere have been drinking these alcoholic drinks religiously and no one seems to bother. the more to know that even the big shots in the government (ehem..ehem..) have stashes of such drinks in the homes. well, no need to go far for me to see such.. *wink

easy to say, your sins are your sins. mines are mines. if you get caught, tuff luck... :D

ruled by law? or ruled by emotions?

answer? ruled by politics and mind settings.. aha..

160: UPDATE

2009-08-26T00:41:00.000+08:00

feels like a while, whereas its only been a week or so..whats happening? well ok..

1. went to jakarta. and NOT to shop for W kain. contrary to popular belief. i just wanted to get away from work. and relax. and i did :D

2. tension and/or a bit stressed out.
yes. i am. im still trying to find out the most unselfish and rational way of deducing the W. *please note that i do not state it as my or our W, but as the W. i know the importance of it being the whole 'special' day and what not, but i do feel like its suppose to be OUR W. i love to plan about it and im most certainly not the type of person to sit down and wait for the right time to get the plan started. so please excuse me if i may seem a bit too pushy.

what troubles me is that everything i do, im just too concerned about what others think (and im certain mids knows whom). to the point that i have no standing on what i want. *sigh*

3 months to go. then all this will be over. and each other will be satisfied.

note: i wish i had a LOT of money. so that things can go my way. and that i can have my own say..

3. the blind man.
just now on my way to court duta, on the turning in front of the lembaga peperiksaan, there was a man. he was very close to the ledge of the sidewalk and in his hand was a cane and a little card with the words taxi on it. knowing the area to be a bit hard to get a taxi, i wanted to stop and offer the man a ride to the food court or even the court, so that he may get a better chance at getting a taxi. just as i was about to give my left signal and turn slowly, there was one really fast and pushy big 4WD. it blinked its lights and honked its horn like i did some illegal thing. being a lady driver, scared out of my wits, i wasnt able to stop at the blind man. thus, the whole evening was covered with guilt.

thank u big tinted 4WD with the JP badge on your plate number...

4. not productive enough??
before leaving for court, me and anisah met up with dato' (shahrir). we greeted him and as always, it would take him about a few seconds to ask us who we were. and we answered. funny thing is, i had given him this sort of intro three (3) times already. the man is hella busy. anyways, he asked whether i was getting retained. and i simply shrugged him as even i could not give an answer to such question. so he said "meet up with dato' (redza) lah.. you need to talk with him. dont be so silent."

now thats new. all this while i had been running the courts like a mad chicken and picking up problematic files and getting scolded at by magistrate judges and suffering from office politics and getting warned at by a group of lawyers in a tribal like circle..and...and..

im silent?? im definitely stupified now..well, cant ever ask for applauses i suppose.

5. patience is virtue.
referring to the previous post made before, god had finally answered his prayers after almost a year of fighting joint custody has been awarded. FINALLY. congratulations abg lokman. see??? Allah swt is just and fair. and you had waited long enough already..

6. mids.
....what more to say than "i love you..". thank you for the great movie and also the dinner. im so impatient..

...

2009-08-17T23:45:00.000+08:00

"b, where did you park your car?"

"over there..u?"

"over there..oklah. i see you soon ok?"

"wait. its raining. why dont we go back to OUR car, then i'll send you back to yours?"

"...ok.."

thank you mids.. you really made my whole month. i couldnt ask for a better person to spend the tea we had just now. pizza hut with the rain outside...heaven. and u really got me on the OUR word. all this time i still couldnt believe that the W is happening. but with all the prep commotion, just now you made me realise the most important thing...which is the 'US'..

158: HELP

2009-08-17T00:43:00.000+08:00

this weekend has been hectic for me. new experiences, fulfilling promises, time management and etc..

throughout this week, i am having my future SIL (sister-in-law) sleeping over at my house. at first (as always) i have a bit of a problem letting someone into my comfort zone ie. bedroom but then it became easier when i found out how much we had in common. she was like a little sister i never had. we practically shared the same ideas, just at a different level of thinking. and i did at one point thought to myself; is this what having a sister is like??? it was harder for me to accept having another mini-me around, but her presence i deeply appreciate. she is like a blanket. she will always be there when you need/have something to say, and if you dont, she will still be around. i guess thats why i put so much pressure on the ones i love that they end up leaving me.. i NEVER knew what its like to fall on someone.

being the eldest sister, and only girl in the family (apart from mama, off course) it was always hard for my parents to allow me to make decisions. they would allow me, but only with certain rules or limits. and to earn that trust i had to seem to look ego, hard and/or strong. whereas, i needed cuddles, kisses and little cute gestures of love and/or intimacy. i needed what all daughters needed..

but i guess most first only daughters are like that... are they???

at the BBq at mids house today, i was divided between being a future SIL and planning for my wedding with moksu. i admire mids. he has such a strong and close knit family. they care for each other and still allow some leeway for that person to live and learn from their mistakes.

actually, im a bit tired right now. i really hope i can wake up for court tomorrow. but it is only SAMC (shah alam magistrates court) and that can give me the extra sleep time i need..

right now, i wish to rewind time. i would like for my birthday, to be back on the miami bay, on the 20th of Dec' 2003 in front of the fire set up near the waves with mids next to me playing his guitar. i miss that moment so much..

to be frank, im a little bit upset with myself over the whole W preparation. im a wreck..i need to laugh..badly. anyone want to try and help me?? so far, all ive been doing is cry, inside. too much expectations...work, life, future...

i just want to snuggle up to someone to push all these thoughts behind..

157: USTAZ ASRI

2009-08-14T14:04:00.000+08:00

honestly, from the bottom of my heart, i didnt know that the voice i loved to hear soo much on pagi raya was his. i remembered how i would change the channels just to wait for his takbir. the lunak of his voice could make you cry, and thats just listening to the takbir..

Ustaz Asri Ibrahim, one of the singers for the nasyid group Rabbani passed away at 10.30 am on 22 Syaaban from a heart attack and truly, the world losses yet another good person on this earth..

"Aku adalah pengejar syurga akhirat, bagiku dunia ini adalah tempat mempersiapkan segala sesuatu untuk meraih syurga akhirat; aku yakin bahawa syurga akhirat tidak akan pernah dapat aku raih kecuali aku boleh menikmati syurga dunia terlebih dahulu. Maka rumah dan keluargaku adalah syurga dunia paling indah buatku. Tempat kerja syurga dunia harianku. Tetangga, masyarakat,dan bangsa adalah syurga duniaku yang lebih luas. Ke manapun dan sampai bila-bila pun syurgaku selalu bersamaku."

*taken from his blog..

what a true hero. he tried to make a change for this world. and he knew exactly how to reach to those who cant hear anything else apart from music.

al-fatihah..

156: A WRECK

2009-08-11T19:53:00.000+08:00

the month past seemed to take its toll on me. i have made promises, broke them, got scolded at, got praised at....(the list can go on). and frankly, im feeling a bit tired. to the extent that im becoming a wreck. i have two months to go in my chambering timer, and to be truthful..I CANT F**KING WAIT. why??? enough with the daily b***hings with naqiah, i dont want to add more sins than that of which i already have. if we meet, ask me nicely and i will definitely tell you... *wink*

everyday i have court. morning and evening. actually, i dont mind. i love courts. but im not learning anything. just like dear lili, i was feeling a bit stumped when i was filling out my CV yesterday night. so much that i decided to simply leave it for another day. yes people, as much as you see me moping around the courts, i have no minimal knowledge. f**k.

and i have a big feeling that i might not do so good on first impression ie. CV wise. but mids being mids, he stated that im more than my CV. i need not no piece of paper or word.doc to describe and/or judge me, i speak for myself. TRUE. ;D

i realise that most of my ~~avid~~ loyal readers are hoping that i will be talking more bout my W preps. hurm... itsok la kot.. segan den..

nways, after perusing my trusty 'lil rusty htc, i realised i forgot to update on my signing at the Kajang Prison. it was a simple assignment actually. signing of Power of Attorney. basically, it conveys the donee (the person receiving) the power to make any representation and/or power on behalf of the donor (the part/owner). our client in this case is the ex-wife of the donor ie. the guy in the prison. and im with the belief that the ex-wife wants to sell their joint property (the subject matter of the PA).

neat rite?? they actually copied my IC pic and printed it on their blank cards..
woooo...damn cool man..

ps: CONGRATS to MISS NADIRA NORDIN & MR ZAKI ASHRAF for tying their engagement last weekend.. she looked damn cute. *wish i was there* :(

155: HIV

2009-08-05T22:51:00.000+08:00

ok.. the title is a bit deceiving right? yeh, well thats what i did today. no, not try to contract HIV. but i went for the test. the funny thing is, i have no need to worry or even have the slightest of concern towards the result. but my gut feels different. well, if i follow the check list correctly, i should be ok...

1. ~~having free sex with different people~~ is there such thing as free sex??
2. ~~sharing needles~~ jarum peniti???
3. ~~been involved with gay/lesbian/same sex relationship~~ well....lets KIV this one huh??

ok, so i should be ok right???

i thought that i could save some of my hard-earned cash and go to the gomen clinic (public clinic) at seksyen 7. the one which always has so many cars parked outside it. happily i trotted with my umbrella, jumped over puddles and sang a song in my heart. but when i reached the front door...

i even managed to capture a quick pic, just so that u guys cant imagine how it was like...

ok, tipulah tu kan??

but seriously, there were so many people that the counter for the numbers were closed and there was even a memo on the machine saying, "sila datang balik selepas pukul 2, nombor sudah habis.." damn. and to think that it was only 10 am, which is about 2hours from opening time.

so i walked out. and regarded myself very lucky to have the option to chose where and when i want medical assistance. unlike those who were still at the clinic with their children sleeping on the clinic floor, i had an option.

kind of makes me think i have chosen the wrong profession... god, i feel so sinful..

so, i will need to do my research on this issue before i continue.

phrase of the day?? 'perhaps if we cut down on all the unnecessary CERAMAH PERDANA's then we might have a little more for the clinic???' just thinking aloud off course..

PS: ON THE 10TH AUG, THE CLINIC ANNOUNCED THAT I AM HIV...NEGATIVE.. :D

154: MISSING

2009-08-03T21:41:00.000+08:00

guess running around in court both morning and afternoon does take its toll on you... no matter how passionate one can be to a certain thing/doing, one is also capable of being tired..

so, to give motivation to myself, i make this list of missess.. i miss..

1. midi (everyday kot..)
2. arwah tok's nasi goreng & tempek nyok
3. mama's fabulous sweet & sour ikan ayam
4. thailand (koh tao to be precise)
5. penang
6. arwah tok wan
7. sissy
8. me & azzam making fun of aiman
9. sleeping all day
10. laughing till i cry
11. more...

actually, i miss 1o the most. why? because if you know that you can make me laugh till i cry, then u will have undeniably made me genuinely laugh.. so, lets all laugh together.

:D

chambering? well. in the office im a floating mess. hopefully, im still executing my work to the level i did before and perhaps even better. something feels a miss. something feels a little less than it used to be. and i think i know what it is. the silence in the library is suicidal. death threatening to a certain degree. thank god for back-to-back courts everyday. it helps ease the pain (?).

but whatever happened today, i was and still am glad to see mids. over wild cherries tea, spaghetti & chicken pie, he comforted me. an angel at heart. thanks for making the day bearable mids..

153: SARAH MUNIRAH

2009-08-02T23:33:00.001+08:00

CONGRATS MISS SARAH MUNIRAH

on the 1st Aug' 09, which was yesterday, i had the great pleasure of being there to see my beloved friend get engaged.

she was cool, calm and collected. not a hint of nervous-ness in sight. and we (fifah, lina, me, nana, faz & nuar) had the pleasure of being there to witness the event..

i love u lots sarmun, and i wish the best for your future...cant wait for next year...

Yasmin Ahmad [July 1, 1958 - July 25, 2009]

2009-07-26T21:22:00.000+08:00

never had i before felt so sad to lose a person whom i had never had the chance to get to know either personally or indirectly. and the best part was, i found out by someone else after i had been laughing my head off. when i heard it my heart stopped. ya allah swt... u took her away too soon. why??

yasmin ahmad ~~was~~ is the best director ever known to me. her creativity reflected our (malaysians) imperfections like a mirror. the messages she conveyed were subtle but sharp at the same time. being the typical malaysians, we put our pride together with our ego and slowly we are beginning to forget about unity. with yasmin, she helped rekindle it. most people misunderstood her. most people belittle her as she seems to be mocking the malays and how they are. i say it simple. she slapped reality in the face. how else are we malaysians to know what we are like if not for the simple-yet-meaningful commercials that she does. please people, dont get her wrong. she ~~had~~ has great faith that malaysians are caring and kind and united, no matter the belief or religion. but sadly, some just cant take pure damn talent.

im in mourning for the lost of yasmin ahmad..

no matter who she was, what she did and/or who she decided to be, she will always be known as the pioneer in media and good will. she is my own GOOD WILL AMBASSADOR... she needs not free people from jail or get involved in a riot or march along the streets. she conveyed her message in her own way, we were just too blind to see..

yasmin ahmad, i pray to god to take you into his arms and care for you in his precense..

you are and will always be an inspiration to us all... god bless.

PRAYERS...

2009-07-23T21:42:00.000+08:00

first and foremost, id like to ask for all those reading to spare a few moments of your time to pray for yasmin ahmad, who has been warded after suffering from (if im not mistaken) a stroke. i really hope this source of news is not true. but the matter of fact is that she is ill. i hope she gets better soon...my prayers will always go to her recovery.

prayer number 2 goes to the mendiang Teoh Beng Hock, who had mysteriously (hence the emphasis) plunged to his death in shah alam recently.

*now before i start, allow me to read (type) out my fundamental rights under the federal constitution and allow me to also point out that anything i do or say or if i influence anyone due to this blog, is solely for the purpose of expressing my thoughts. not in any way intentionally to provoke the government and/or freely surrender myself to the ISA*

(knowing how Malaysia is infamous for the very suspicion to be an ISA detainee, off course)

Article 5; liberty of person & Article 10; freedom of speech, assembly and association.

first of all, the obvious, (yes) he is getting married soon. and (yes) who wants to commit suicide when they have such a life to look forward to, right? i will leave this to reasonable deduction off course.

second, they said that the last call and/or sms either made or received by or to him was by or to his boss. hurm.

third, what was he being questioned for (this is off course rhetorical). why would MACC suddenly want to kill the person of whom they need information the most? some parties believe that the people who interviewed him were 'acah-acah'ing him through the window. funny.

still cant be able to put the pieces together?? let me help. lets give a playground example;

D is a popular at school but he is still inferior to B, who is a senior of D and will always be even more popular in school. T is a follower of D. one day T witnessed D and his gang stealing the jambu from the adjacent house near the gate of the school. off course, this is not the first time they have done such. when the owner found this out, he made a report to the principle and the principle called both B and D, knowing them to be likely to be doing such act. but as B is more popular and known to be kind-hearted, he got away with the interrogation. leaving D as a suspect. in order to pecah belang D, the principle had to question his right-hand, T.

now T has a burden. one which if told can not only get him expelled, but also D and could also cause his family hardship. T is also afraid that if he starts talking, past acts of D could also be revealed. unknowing to T, D wants to keep his secrets unknown and he will do anything to make sure the principle doesnt know that he is actually a big bully at school. somehow, he has to keep the only one who knows his and his gangs secrets quiet....

now do you understand??? good. then i will leave this up to your interpretation(s)...

please bear in mind that i am neutral and that P*****CS dont really have a place in my heart. i just want to clear what is unclear..TQ.

FEMINA

2009-07-18T20:33:00.000+08:00

*taken from deviantart*

im made to believe that 'femina' means woman, so correct me if im wrong.

today after the 'walk & talk' along jalan telawi, mids sent me back and i turned tv3 on. what caught my ears? the issue of single mothers. one woman was sad at how after the divorce between her and the guy, she did not receive anything to help her (and her child) in life. i thought there is a muslim term for alimony??? am i correct??

anyways, it sad to acknowledge the fact that this is happening in this world. husband leaves wife, wife leaves husband, children get abducted, children go missing, father rapes child, GRANDFATHER rapes child..... the list can go on..

im deeply moved when it comes to women and children. duh right? im a woman also bah..but thats not the main reason for this sentiment. i feel more for them due to the fact that men (man) acknowledge themselves to be of power, to be of strength and all the other things they believe that they can achieve. and true enough, they are capable of such; rape, murder, abuse etc. yes, there are cases of women (woman) acting in such odecity also. (refer to mona fendy) which is clearly a case of over-halusination. but the core root is this, never EVER depend on people (person) too much.

why the run away from the topic? well...

you see, after the death of my uncle, my auntie was put in the same position as the woman in tv3 who was crying after being left ~~to rot~~ alone by her ex-husband. but unlike her, it would be useless for my auntie to ask for tv3 to do a segment on her.

my POV would be simple. ive said it once and i'll keep on saying it until i die. fend for yourself. because no one will do it for you. thats why the government makes sure that everyone is to go to school and at least have completed their tertiary education. yes, what a drag to go to school. why dont i just get married to the local boy who got a job in kl? i dont need much anyways. aha...thats just jolly isnt it? at least, when one has the most primary education, one can later find a job. and say for example in such situation as the lady in tv3, she wont have to be so fully dependant on her ex-husband up to the extent of having to go on national tv to get what she needs to survive. dont get me wrong, im not mad at her, i just dont understand her whole situation.

but sometimes, some woman (women) who have the higher education, are unable to think beyond their capacity of books and notes. even a clever eve has problems deducing right or wrong and having problems trying to live too.

so please, woman (women) of the 21st century, i call to you, start a little back plan for yourself. you never know when you might need it. personally, i have no savings and i admit it. my monthly salary is going to the event of my life, but i have something which i will never EVER regret taking and that is insurance (both general & savings). and i believe that that would be my crash landing pillow someday...hopefully though, i will never have to use it.

cheerios+love..

ps: check this out, rhb islamic commercial ad. hahaha...damn funny..

WEEEE....WWWIIIITTTT....

2009-07-14T23:06:00.000+08:00

INTRODUCING.... our brand new family member...

a lot had happened today actually. yes, here i go again, im making my life seem so damn exciting in my eyes that it makes you guys just want to hurl.. what to do???

apart from being busy with mama being around for her external law degree@UM, back to back court cases and my sick little fur ball.. having the latest addition to my soon-to-be-family, made me elated. its shiny black beautiful coat makes my teeth visible and the smell of new leather make me feel expensive....ok, enough of that, its not even my car. but mids has promised me a few drives now and then. takut i...if anything happens, i might never have the W.

more? well, discussions are well on the way and every time it becomes more and more serious, the wrinkles on my forehead become more and more visible and i become more and more light (ie. floating).

i wish im with mama right now. i feel so guilty for leaving her alone like this. i feel like such a bad daughter. i miss talking to her until we both fall asleep. i feel guilty when she is talking about her day etc, but my mind seems to be up in the clouds thinking about work, W, money, money, money.... *sigh*

till then, second ethics exam coming up... auiobbybybchnyhsnxkffcacyduascbauy..bloody exam.

FIFTH WEDDING..

2009-07-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

CONGRATS TO

MR. AZIZUDIN & MRS. SITI MALLISSA

"gorgeous."

just now, mids and i went to our 5th wedding this year at the Grand Bluewave Hotel. wwweeee.... (the excitement is becoming more and more exciting). its nice to go to so many weddings, the best part is that both me and mids spontaneously like to look at their ideas and contemplate it for our own. hehehehe....

i love the red dias for the theme. elegant and still humble at the same time..

well, nothing much to update on anyways. facts on the bride & groom? well ok...

personally, i didnt know joe that well, it was mids that was close to him but we ocassionally hi-ed and bye-ed..but this wedding was one BIG suprise to even me. i liked how all of a sudden we got cards to the event. the whole suprise is so exciting. a bit too late for me to do that now.. :p

still, i wish them all the happiness in the world.. may god bless their relationship hingga ke anak cucu....